I have a few things I need to say.
Over the last few months I have become increasingly aware of some family and friends who don't agree with us letting Chandler transition. I started realizing I hadn't seen any Facebook posts from certain family members. When I went to their pages to see what was happening I found that they had unfriended me. I have also noticed that some people I thought I was close with are now avoiding me and not communicating at all. I also have friends and family on Facebook who still follow me and vice versa who make comments and post articles that are ignorant and hateful. I have tried to be thoughtful toward my family and friends who don't agree with the way we have handled Chandler.I don't feel I have been an activist or overly pushy with my personal views. I have simply posted about our life like any other family. In an effort to maintain a normal life. I have mostly avoided commenting on things that were hurtful and disturbing to me. Guess What. That is all about to change. I am a fierce mother. A mother with 3 children that I will fight for. Children that I want to feel loved and accepted no matter what. If you continue to post hate filled articles on issues you have no personal understanding of, expect that I WILL SPEAK MY MIND. If this continues I will probably hide your feed as well. This does not mean I don't love you. We may just disagree, but I can't keep allowing these negative opinions to bombard me everyday without fighting for the world I want my children to grow up in. If one more person makes a reference to transgender people being mentally ill I might go crazy. If you had met my child or many of our friends you would know that most of us were aware from the time they were young that they did not conform to society's standards. You would also know that for many of them serious depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide were also a part of their life until they transitioned and became who they were meant to be. Being true to themselves makes them the happiest, most beautiful people I have ever met.
Most of our family and friends have been loving and understanding, but we have some immediate family and close friends who seem to be having a particularly difficult time. For the most part, I think they are avoiding contact because it is uncomfortable for them. We understand that Chandler's transition takes some adjusting, but our children are our top priority and we need to look after their well-being.Being born LGBTQ is a way a person feels on the inside to the deepest core of their being. It is not like LGBTQ people did not have a choice being born this way. We hope those who are having a particularly difficult time will be able to find a way to be comfortable with us soon. We love you and when you are ready we will be here.
I love you all. I know that only a few people read my blog and that is mostly from Facebook links. I don't have a ton of Facebook friends so know that if you are one of them I respect and care for you. I need that same love and respect back. I am not asking everyone to change all of their opinions. Just to be loving and respectful. If you are not gay you cannot possibly understand what it feels like to be. If you are not transgender you cannot possibly understand the trials and turmoil this puts them through.
You have now been warned. If you post something I find ridiculous or hate filled on these topics that touch me personally, I will breath my Momma Dragon fire down your Facebook feed.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Chandlers Prom
If you read my last post you are aware of my current frustration. This week has been particularly difficult for me emotionally. I have so many things to say but after realizing most of them were negative I decided to let them go for now and focus on Chandlers prom.
Chandler attended the LGBTQ prom last year and this year. This is a safe environment for teens in this community and there friends to have a supervised event without fear of ridicule or bullying. This year she was so excited to go. This will be the first time she will have attended a fancy gathering as a female. I did something I never thought I would do. I bought a prom dress and spent hours online trying to find the right pair of shoes. I asked a great photographer Mindy Rainey if she would come take Chandlers pictures before hand. She asked if Chandler would like to have pictures of getting ready to show the whole process. When I asked Chandler she was super excited at the idea. That afternoon she came over to document the process of Chandler presenting the way she feels. She was privileged to watch Chandlers process. No one else is ever allowed in the bathroom while Chandler puts on her face.
There are a few things I want to point out. Chandlers natural hair. About 2 years ago Chandler shaved her hair short for the first time. We realize now that she was trying to fit into the social stereotypes of what a boy should be. All it did was make her miserable. She is growing it out but it is not long enough for the styles she likes. She has a variety of wigs in many different colors and styles. Many days she is able to fix her hair super cute with a bandanna bow and a clip on pony tail. The only time you will see her like the first picture I posted is just before getting ready. Her hair and makeup will always be done. She is very much into the Betty Paige style and loves vintage clothes and looks. She gets fabulous items at thrift stores all the time.
For anyone who has difficulty understanding, agreeing with, tolerating or accepting transgender people I want to say this. All they want is to have a safe world for them to live the way they feel inside. If you are unwilling to have them in your life the loss is truly yours. Chandler is a great kid who has so much to offer the world. I have learned so much from her. PLEASE don't pass judgment on something you can't possibly understand. Just love. This is not something anyone who has not experienced it first hand can possibly understand.
Chandler attended the LGBTQ prom last year and this year. This is a safe environment for teens in this community and there friends to have a supervised event without fear of ridicule or bullying. This year she was so excited to go. This will be the first time she will have attended a fancy gathering as a female. I did something I never thought I would do. I bought a prom dress and spent hours online trying to find the right pair of shoes. I asked a great photographer Mindy Rainey if she would come take Chandlers pictures before hand. She asked if Chandler would like to have pictures of getting ready to show the whole process. When I asked Chandler she was super excited at the idea. That afternoon she came over to document the process of Chandler presenting the way she feels. She was privileged to watch Chandlers process. No one else is ever allowed in the bathroom while Chandler puts on her face.
 |
| The beginning |
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| This Wig head will never leave! |
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| This is the smile that we had lost for so long. Now that Chandler can be herself we see it so much more. |
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| The tackle box I got her to organize all her stuff in after the crash in the bathroom incident. |
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| The skills of applying liquid eyeliner. |
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| The face all made up and ready to go. |
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| Now for the hair! |
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| This is my favorite picture. |
There are a few things I want to point out. Chandlers natural hair. About 2 years ago Chandler shaved her hair short for the first time. We realize now that she was trying to fit into the social stereotypes of what a boy should be. All it did was make her miserable. She is growing it out but it is not long enough for the styles she likes. She has a variety of wigs in many different colors and styles. Many days she is able to fix her hair super cute with a bandanna bow and a clip on pony tail. The only time you will see her like the first picture I posted is just before getting ready. Her hair and makeup will always be done. She is very much into the Betty Paige style and loves vintage clothes and looks. She gets fabulous items at thrift stores all the time.
For anyone who has difficulty understanding, agreeing with, tolerating or accepting transgender people I want to say this. All they want is to have a safe world for them to live the way they feel inside. If you are unwilling to have them in your life the loss is truly yours. Chandler is a great kid who has so much to offer the world. I have learned so much from her. PLEASE don't pass judgment on something you can't possibly understand. Just love. This is not something anyone who has not experienced it first hand can possibly understand.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Frustration
Caitlyn Jenner and Gay Marriage.
I have kept my mouth closed the last few weeks on these topics. I have not been going on social media as much either.
I am FRUSTRATED. I am frustrated at both sides of the issue. I am frustrated that those who support gay marriage and the transgender issue don't seem to understand the convictions of those who oppose it religiously. There needs to be some sympathy for those who are hurting because of these changes. Being against gay marriage usually is based on strong religious beliefs. Whether you agree with them or not they are the beliefs. We are fighting so much for tolerance but being tolerant of religion is somehow being left out.
While I hope there is more understanding of the sadness religious people feel over the changes I hope and PRAY that religious people everywhere choose what they say carefully. I have come across the most hate filled bigoted infuriating articles written out of "spiritual belief". I feel that social media has allowed people to share things without really thinking about who they might hurt. The lord wants us to love one another. Judgement is his, not meant for us on this earth. Stand up for what you believe in absolutely. Love your fellow man, respect one another, treat others with kindness.
If you want your feelings to be understood and taken into account you need to do the same for others. No side is going to convert those on the other. I just want us to all love and respect each other even if we don't agree. I have a transgender child. I understand why friends and family might have a hard time with this. We also appreciate those that might not support this but still love us and welcome us to be a part of their lives. This love is what will improve the world. So much of the hate I have seen going around is from people who have never known someone who is affected on the other side.
Free Agency is extremely important to me. Part of Free Agency is being given the choice to do what we want and not be forced into anything. If everyone respected Free Agency for everyone else and truly loved their fellow man standing up for your own beliefs would not create such a divide between community's. Both sides feel so strongly that they are the true and right way to be that they are losing sight of the big picture.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Try to see it through their eyes. If you don't agree don't take it personally. Love them anyway. Please PLEASE don't say stupid hate filled things on issues you don't have any personal experience in. This just adds to the circle of misunderstanding. I say that for everyone.
I love you all. I hope we can all love each other and respect each other.
I have kept my mouth closed the last few weeks on these topics. I have not been going on social media as much either.
I am FRUSTRATED. I am frustrated at both sides of the issue. I am frustrated that those who support gay marriage and the transgender issue don't seem to understand the convictions of those who oppose it religiously. There needs to be some sympathy for those who are hurting because of these changes. Being against gay marriage usually is based on strong religious beliefs. Whether you agree with them or not they are the beliefs. We are fighting so much for tolerance but being tolerant of religion is somehow being left out.
While I hope there is more understanding of the sadness religious people feel over the changes I hope and PRAY that religious people everywhere choose what they say carefully. I have come across the most hate filled bigoted infuriating articles written out of "spiritual belief". I feel that social media has allowed people to share things without really thinking about who they might hurt. The lord wants us to love one another. Judgement is his, not meant for us on this earth. Stand up for what you believe in absolutely. Love your fellow man, respect one another, treat others with kindness.
If you want your feelings to be understood and taken into account you need to do the same for others. No side is going to convert those on the other. I just want us to all love and respect each other even if we don't agree. I have a transgender child. I understand why friends and family might have a hard time with this. We also appreciate those that might not support this but still love us and welcome us to be a part of their lives. This love is what will improve the world. So much of the hate I have seen going around is from people who have never known someone who is affected on the other side.
Free Agency is extremely important to me. Part of Free Agency is being given the choice to do what we want and not be forced into anything. If everyone respected Free Agency for everyone else and truly loved their fellow man standing up for your own beliefs would not create such a divide between community's. Both sides feel so strongly that they are the true and right way to be that they are losing sight of the big picture.
LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Try to see it through their eyes. If you don't agree don't take it personally. Love them anyway. Please PLEASE don't say stupid hate filled things on issues you don't have any personal experience in. This just adds to the circle of misunderstanding. I say that for everyone.
I love you all. I hope we can all love each other and respect each other.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Inogen vs Michaels
Inogen vs Michaels
I was reading some old blog posts and I realized I never really gave an update on my new job. Many people were shocked that I left Michael's for somewhere else. Trust me that no one was more surprised by my decision as myself. I truly loved the job and the people. I was the best me I could be there. I was however working for a corporation that had many restrictions on its employees. I won't go into to much detail about this but it became clear to me that to make the income I needed to support my family would have meant promoting to a position that made it even harder to spend time with them. My kids especially my youngest were struggling with this. I would go 3-4 days a week without seeing Chandler and Dylan at all. Elliot very briefly in the rush of the morning. I had interviewed at Inogen before Michael's. They called me after I had already been promoted since it only took a couple of months. I turned them down because of a promise to stay for at least a year in my position, plus I loved the job and couldn't imagine leaving it. After a long frustrating day when I realized what my future was going to be there I got a call saying they wanted me to come in and interview again and they had a position for me. If they had called the day before I would have said no. They got me at the perfect time. I said ok. I scheduled the interview on my day off. They officially offered me the job a few weeks later (this all took place over the holidays so it was a slower process than normal). I agonized, cried, and made many pros and cons list. I could not imagine leaving Michaels. It was my home, my happy place, I had so many friends, customers I helped on a regular basis and the other Managers. They had become like sisters. How could I leave them. How could I leave that place. It was truly part of me and it made my soul happy. Then I sat down and talked to my kids about the decision I had to make. They asked a lot of questions. When they found out I could be home for dinner and on the weekends they were so happy. This is what made the final decision. My kids still wanted me around. I won't have many more years of that. I knew I would not love my new job. I knew I would find it boring. I also knew it would open up my life to having a life outside of work. The first few weekends were so strange to me. 2 days off in a row with all of my family home. We didn't even know what to do. My kids then realized that we would be having salad for dinner every night again and said Michaels will still take you back!
My new job is not as full filling to me as Michaels but I do get to help sick people feel better and enjoy their lives every day. I have customers call and tell me they got to see their grandchildren for the first time because I helped them get a portable oxygen concentrator. Oh and the best benefit is the schedule and the pay. We might actually be able to buy a car this year. Never did I think that would be in my future. As long as I work 8 hours they don't care how early or late I work. I can take a long lunch and go on a school Field trip with Elliot or go to work at the crack of dawn when the kids are off so I am home in the afternoons with them.
I do still miss Michaels terribly and I think about it everyday. I feel grateful for making the decision to switch. I have been scrapbooking the many crazy pictures I took while working at Michaels. It makes me teary eyed when I do missing everyone. They are memories I will never forget. I love the fact I was able to stay on as the scrapbooking instructor. Besides the fact I get to keep my discount it has allowed me to still see everyone occasionally and participate in my loved classroom program that I worked so hard on.
These are what I sell.
I was reading some old blog posts and I realized I never really gave an update on my new job. Many people were shocked that I left Michael's for somewhere else. Trust me that no one was more surprised by my decision as myself. I truly loved the job and the people. I was the best me I could be there. I was however working for a corporation that had many restrictions on its employees. I won't go into to much detail about this but it became clear to me that to make the income I needed to support my family would have meant promoting to a position that made it even harder to spend time with them. My kids especially my youngest were struggling with this. I would go 3-4 days a week without seeing Chandler and Dylan at all. Elliot very briefly in the rush of the morning. I had interviewed at Inogen before Michael's. They called me after I had already been promoted since it only took a couple of months. I turned them down because of a promise to stay for at least a year in my position, plus I loved the job and couldn't imagine leaving it. After a long frustrating day when I realized what my future was going to be there I got a call saying they wanted me to come in and interview again and they had a position for me. If they had called the day before I would have said no. They got me at the perfect time. I said ok. I scheduled the interview on my day off. They officially offered me the job a few weeks later (this all took place over the holidays so it was a slower process than normal). I agonized, cried, and made many pros and cons list. I could not imagine leaving Michaels. It was my home, my happy place, I had so many friends, customers I helped on a regular basis and the other Managers. They had become like sisters. How could I leave them. How could I leave that place. It was truly part of me and it made my soul happy. Then I sat down and talked to my kids about the decision I had to make. They asked a lot of questions. When they found out I could be home for dinner and on the weekends they were so happy. This is what made the final decision. My kids still wanted me around. I won't have many more years of that. I knew I would not love my new job. I knew I would find it boring. I also knew it would open up my life to having a life outside of work. The first few weekends were so strange to me. 2 days off in a row with all of my family home. We didn't even know what to do. My kids then realized that we would be having salad for dinner every night again and said Michaels will still take you back!
My new job is not as full filling to me as Michaels but I do get to help sick people feel better and enjoy their lives every day. I have customers call and tell me they got to see their grandchildren for the first time because I helped them get a portable oxygen concentrator. Oh and the best benefit is the schedule and the pay. We might actually be able to buy a car this year. Never did I think that would be in my future. As long as I work 8 hours they don't care how early or late I work. I can take a long lunch and go on a school Field trip with Elliot or go to work at the crack of dawn when the kids are off so I am home in the afternoons with them.
I do still miss Michaels terribly and I think about it everyday. I feel grateful for making the decision to switch. I have been scrapbooking the many crazy pictures I took while working at Michaels. It makes me teary eyed when I do missing everyone. They are memories I will never forget. I love the fact I was able to stay on as the scrapbooking instructor. Besides the fact I get to keep my discount it has allowed me to still see everyone occasionally and participate in my loved classroom program that I worked so hard on.
These are what I sell.
G3 System
- 4 flow settings
- 4.8 pounds
- Battery life up to 9 hours
- Clinically-validated for 24/7 use
G2 System
- 6 flow settings
- 7.0 pounds
- Battery life up to 10 hours
- Clinically-validated for 24/7 use
- 5 liters per minute, continuous flow
- Only 18 pounds
- Extremely quiet
- Energy-efficient
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Transgender.
I have not said a lot about our situation with having a Transgender child other than the one post. I now regret the title I gave it: "My child is gay/ transgender I am going to talk about it so you don't have to." What I meant by the title was that I am going to talk about it so you don't have to wonder any more. I am more than happy to talk about it with you. I will not have all the answers. I will not judge you if we disagree. I just hope that others love us enough to respect our decisions even if they would have gone a different way.
I had an eye opening experience yesterday and I hope that it will help some of you who may be struggling with this. Especially those who love us personally. A long story boils down to this... we had a crash in the bathroom with the shelf that holds all of Chandler's beauty supplies. Chandler couldn't immediately get into the bathroom to see what happened and was very upset. In the aftermath, what she said in her sobs nearly broke my heart as a mother. "Without that stuff (meaning make up and other beauty supplies) the world will see me as a boy again." The shear terror in her voice about being viewed as male was what threw me off. I obviously was aware she felt female and wanted others to see her that way but I didn't fully understand how much it bothered her to be viewed as male. Before going anywhere she does her hair and makeup and is getting so much more mature with her appearance. Yes Chandler has always enjoyed dressing up in costume and having some shock value in her appearance but being female is not about shock value; it is about being true to the person she is inside. Chandler has been much happier since fully presenting as female. Many of the emotional issues lessened or disappeared.
Here is what I want everyone to think about. When someone calls your baby a boy when it is a girl or vice versa most parents get offended to varying degrees. As a teenager can you imagine what you would have felt like if someone at school or a teacher or even a sales clerk refereed to you as the opposite gender. Very few of us would have emotionally been able to deal with that well. This is her life. All she wants is to be seen as she feels. This is who she is and how she has always felt.
I asked her a while back if she always knew she was female and with great insight and wisdom the answer was, "No, I have always felt the way I feel now. I always knew I was different. I didn't realize that why I was different was because I felt like a girl until I realized what that meant. The way I feel inside has not changed."
I hear others' concerns for Chandler on a daily basis. Believe me when I tell you that we have already thought about those and more. What I am learning and I hope others will understand is that the biggest fear among us as parents of a transgender child is not what will happen to them in the outside world but what they will do to themselves if they do not feel loved and accepted by those closest to them. Many transgender teens attempt suicide and many succeed. Many others become homeless because family's won't accept them. As far as I can tell most transgender teens do suffer from depression in varying degrees, and who wouldn't dealing with what they do.
There is still so much we don't understand about being transgender. All I can say for me is that from the time my kids were born I felt so strongly to love and encourage them no matter what they were interested in or wanted to be like. I am grateful now that I never tried to put them in a box. I can only imagine the heartbreak our family would be suffering from if Chandler had not felt accepted and loved at home.
I had an eye opening experience yesterday and I hope that it will help some of you who may be struggling with this. Especially those who love us personally. A long story boils down to this... we had a crash in the bathroom with the shelf that holds all of Chandler's beauty supplies. Chandler couldn't immediately get into the bathroom to see what happened and was very upset. In the aftermath, what she said in her sobs nearly broke my heart as a mother. "Without that stuff (meaning make up and other beauty supplies) the world will see me as a boy again." The shear terror in her voice about being viewed as male was what threw me off. I obviously was aware she felt female and wanted others to see her that way but I didn't fully understand how much it bothered her to be viewed as male. Before going anywhere she does her hair and makeup and is getting so much more mature with her appearance. Yes Chandler has always enjoyed dressing up in costume and having some shock value in her appearance but being female is not about shock value; it is about being true to the person she is inside. Chandler has been much happier since fully presenting as female. Many of the emotional issues lessened or disappeared.
Here is what I want everyone to think about. When someone calls your baby a boy when it is a girl or vice versa most parents get offended to varying degrees. As a teenager can you imagine what you would have felt like if someone at school or a teacher or even a sales clerk refereed to you as the opposite gender. Very few of us would have emotionally been able to deal with that well. This is her life. All she wants is to be seen as she feels. This is who she is and how she has always felt.
I asked her a while back if she always knew she was female and with great insight and wisdom the answer was, "No, I have always felt the way I feel now. I always knew I was different. I didn't realize that why I was different was because I felt like a girl until I realized what that meant. The way I feel inside has not changed."
I hear others' concerns for Chandler on a daily basis. Believe me when I tell you that we have already thought about those and more. What I am learning and I hope others will understand is that the biggest fear among us as parents of a transgender child is not what will happen to them in the outside world but what they will do to themselves if they do not feel loved and accepted by those closest to them. Many transgender teens attempt suicide and many succeed. Many others become homeless because family's won't accept them. As far as I can tell most transgender teens do suffer from depression in varying degrees, and who wouldn't dealing with what they do.
There is still so much we don't understand about being transgender. All I can say for me is that from the time my kids were born I felt so strongly to love and encourage them no matter what they were interested in or wanted to be like. I am grateful now that I never tried to put them in a box. I can only imagine the heartbreak our family would be suffering from if Chandler had not felt accepted and loved at home.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Days!
In my life I have had a few unique days that stand out in my memory. They are unique because nothing special happened on these days. They were just ordinary but I felt very calm, at peace, and just generally happy. I can't describe the complete feeling I had. I don't have the vocabulary to do it justice. I don't mean to say that my normal days are chaotic stress balls of depression although that does happen occasionally. They were just days but for some reason stand out in my memory,
The first one I recall was from being very young and camping at the beach.
The second was when I was 16. It was a Saturday we were having a yard sale. The weather was perfect. The yard sale meant all of the neighborhood kids were out together. I loved the sun, jumping on the trampoline, swimming and just in general enjoying life. The ironic part of that day is that I found out later that night that my Papa had died and my Nana, Aunt and Uncle were all in the hospital from a terrible car accident they were all in. In spite of that, my memory of day is always peaceful.
The 3rd was just after I graduated High School. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life and didn't really know how to figure it out. One morning it was hot and gorgeous outside. I swam all morning and then took a nap with my window open and a slight breeze cooling me off. I remember my skin had that heat of just starting a sun burn. That was a restful nap, I woke up happy, Went swimming some more hung out with a friend and that was all.
I had another one of these days yesterday. It happened to be Valentines day but that didn't have anything to do with it. Eric and I had both forgotten it was coming and when we did remember we told each other not to worry about it. I woke up talked to my mom and went to work at Michaels for a few hours to train my replacement. When I came home I just hung out with Eric, Chandler and Elliot for a while. Then we ran errands with Eric, Elliot, and Dylan. Chandler had friends come over and we had a bbq and went swimming with some friends. I had felt that same feeling all day that I had had in those other unique days.
What makes them stand out in my mind so much? Nothing extraordinary happened but they were just pleasant. Why don't I feel that way about more days. I don't feel like my normal days are bad. Do other people feel this way about their normal days? No matter what or why I remember these this way I am grateful for them.
The first one I recall was from being very young and camping at the beach.
The second was when I was 16. It was a Saturday we were having a yard sale. The weather was perfect. The yard sale meant all of the neighborhood kids were out together. I loved the sun, jumping on the trampoline, swimming and just in general enjoying life. The ironic part of that day is that I found out later that night that my Papa had died and my Nana, Aunt and Uncle were all in the hospital from a terrible car accident they were all in. In spite of that, my memory of day is always peaceful.
The 3rd was just after I graduated High School. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life and didn't really know how to figure it out. One morning it was hot and gorgeous outside. I swam all morning and then took a nap with my window open and a slight breeze cooling me off. I remember my skin had that heat of just starting a sun burn. That was a restful nap, I woke up happy, Went swimming some more hung out with a friend and that was all.
I had another one of these days yesterday. It happened to be Valentines day but that didn't have anything to do with it. Eric and I had both forgotten it was coming and when we did remember we told each other not to worry about it. I woke up talked to my mom and went to work at Michaels for a few hours to train my replacement. When I came home I just hung out with Eric, Chandler and Elliot for a while. Then we ran errands with Eric, Elliot, and Dylan. Chandler had friends come over and we had a bbq and went swimming with some friends. I had felt that same feeling all day that I had had in those other unique days.
What makes them stand out in my mind so much? Nothing extraordinary happened but they were just pleasant. Why don't I feel that way about more days. I don't feel like my normal days are bad. Do other people feel this way about their normal days? No matter what or why I remember these this way I am grateful for them.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Blink of an eye.
As a stay at home mom I always felt like the future was coming. I had a sense of planning for the future. What will I do with the kids, When will we go visit family next. When will I run away and scrapbook? Who will need clothes soon? Who has a birthday coming up? How long can I wait before I have to mop the kitchen? I still mentally plan these things. Since working full time I feel like the time is escaping me. I have always felt certain seasons or ages with my kids went by faster than others. This last year feels like a blink. Besides working full time we have been through a lot within our own little family. What I am trying to figure out is how to make it not feel so fast. I don't want to have regrets when I am older about what I should have done with my kids. At the same time I don't know that I would do much differently. I can't even find the words to describe how I feel about this. I am not so much worried about the passing of time so quickly as the fact that I want to be aware of what is happening. This may be some crazy idea mulling around within my little brain. I often feel like I notice things that seem just normal to everyone else. Just because it is normal doesn't mean that I like the outcome. I don't really know if there is an answer to make me feel better.
Ever since I can remember I have had this thought that everything is either a memory or the future. There really isn't a present. This was always a sad thought for me. The fact that we live for our memories. As I grew up and became a parent living for our memories can be a good thing but it has always seemed so limiting to me to be living this way.
I have always felt comfort in my scrapbooks because they allow me to remember times I might not have otherwise. When my middle son was an infant I suffered from pretty bad Postpartum Depression. I really only have a few memories of the first 6 months of his life. Luckily I did scrapbook. According to my husband it was all I had the motivation to do. I fed the kids and kept them alive, took tons of photos, scrapbooked almost every day. He said it kept me sane. I am so glad I did so we can look back on those times I don't remember. When my youngest was born, every night my husband would come home, hold the baby and I would scrapbook. It was a need, not a want, or a desire. A need. I had an irrational fear that something was going to happen and he would not have a baby book if I didn't make it now. He ended up with 2 huge albums just of his first year. I later realized that part of that compulsion was driven by the fear that my Postpartum Depression would get bad like it had before.
These two areas connect in my head often. Is my fear that I am noticing time pass by so quickly because I am depressed? I don't think that is the case now but it will always be an underlying fear.
I am about to make a huge change in our family's life again. I am switching jobs. I am excited and terrified all at the same time. This new job will allow me to have weekends and holidays off as well as be home in the evenings and have a flexible schedule once I am trained. The pay is much higher than what I currently make. I know this sounds like a no brainer for me to take this new job but it has truly been one of the hardest decisions of my life. I love my job at Michaels. I am good at it. I love the people there. It is so hard to leave something you love and are great at to go to something new and hope you won't hate it. The schedule with my family is the biggest reason for taking the new job. I am hoping my being around more will help with my feelings of time slipping away as well and being able to co-parent more often instead of my husband feeling like a single dad 75% of the time.
Other than just wanting to write down my thoughts I don't know that there is a real reason for this post. Do other people feel this way. My oldest is talking about graduating High school and my baby is planning his 10th birthday. Where did it go.
Thanks for reading my memories in your future.
Ever since I can remember I have had this thought that everything is either a memory or the future. There really isn't a present. This was always a sad thought for me. The fact that we live for our memories. As I grew up and became a parent living for our memories can be a good thing but it has always seemed so limiting to me to be living this way.
I have always felt comfort in my scrapbooks because they allow me to remember times I might not have otherwise. When my middle son was an infant I suffered from pretty bad Postpartum Depression. I really only have a few memories of the first 6 months of his life. Luckily I did scrapbook. According to my husband it was all I had the motivation to do. I fed the kids and kept them alive, took tons of photos, scrapbooked almost every day. He said it kept me sane. I am so glad I did so we can look back on those times I don't remember. When my youngest was born, every night my husband would come home, hold the baby and I would scrapbook. It was a need, not a want, or a desire. A need. I had an irrational fear that something was going to happen and he would not have a baby book if I didn't make it now. He ended up with 2 huge albums just of his first year. I later realized that part of that compulsion was driven by the fear that my Postpartum Depression would get bad like it had before.
These two areas connect in my head often. Is my fear that I am noticing time pass by so quickly because I am depressed? I don't think that is the case now but it will always be an underlying fear.
I am about to make a huge change in our family's life again. I am switching jobs. I am excited and terrified all at the same time. This new job will allow me to have weekends and holidays off as well as be home in the evenings and have a flexible schedule once I am trained. The pay is much higher than what I currently make. I know this sounds like a no brainer for me to take this new job but it has truly been one of the hardest decisions of my life. I love my job at Michaels. I am good at it. I love the people there. It is so hard to leave something you love and are great at to go to something new and hope you won't hate it. The schedule with my family is the biggest reason for taking the new job. I am hoping my being around more will help with my feelings of time slipping away as well and being able to co-parent more often instead of my husband feeling like a single dad 75% of the time.
Other than just wanting to write down my thoughts I don't know that there is a real reason for this post. Do other people feel this way. My oldest is talking about graduating High school and my baby is planning his 10th birthday. Where did it go.
Thanks for reading my memories in your future.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Our Son is Gay and Trans Gender. I am going to talk about it so you don't have to. Plus Family Pictures
Our Son is Gay and Trans Gender.
I am going to talk about it so you don't have to. Plus Family Pictures
Anyone who knows our oldest knows that he has never been the stereotypical boy, nor did I raise him to be such. I just wanted my kids to be who they are: to play, dress, and look the way they want to look. When we found out for sure there was an adjustment period. We ultimately didn't think anyone would be shocked, but we have been surprised at how many people are. I guess he has always just been himself around us and didn't really hide anything, but that hasn't always been the case with others.
Things I want people to know:
1. Chandler is still Chandler. His appearance may be different but inside he has not changed. The only thing that may have changed is your perception of him.
2. It does not matter what our belief system is or is not, we are going to love and support our son no matter what. This may seem like a no brainer but not everyone feels this way.
3. Have we always known? Yes and no. We always knew he was his own unique high heel wearing spirit but for us, anyway we still assumed he was straight until he told us otherwise. (I am curious if all parents assume their kids are straight)
4. The hardest part for me was transitioning my mindset for the future. From the time you hold a baby in your arms you picture him or her growing up, getting married, having babies--a "Normal Life." As much as we suspected, it was hard knowing that having Chandler’s long blond haired little daughters running around is probably not going to happen, and my long awaited girls weekends with my daughter-in-laws is dwindling in number. Yes I know there are a lot of “buts,” “what ifs,” etc., to theses statements. I am simply expressing what I needed to deal with myself.
5. Chandler feels more like a girl than a boy, so he dresses that way most of the time. He is comfortable this way and has had very little opposition to this at school.
You are always welcome to ask Eric and I any questions you may have. For now we want all of our kids to be able to feel happy and comfortable with who they are. This is a unique situation for all of our family members. We are still a family, happy at varying degrees just like any other family with two teenagers. Since Chandler is more comfortable as a girl we decided to allow him dress this way for our family pictures. These photos are supposed to represent our family and this was the best way to do that.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
The Working Dilemmas!
It has now been a year since I have gone back to work. It has now been 6 months since I have been a Manager working full time. My schedule is very erratic. One morning a week I open the store, 1-2 nights a week I close the store and the rest of the days I am a mid shift so I am there till after dinner time and barely make it home to see the kids before bed. I have let go of any sense of a clean house. That does not mean we don't have dishes to eat off of but there are simply organizing projects that need to take place so there are not boxes on the floor of every room of the house. I never have 2 days off in a row so on my days off I often have to be at work early the next morning and closed the night before. Needless to say I am exhausted on those rare days off. Did I mention that at my job the managers all walk 12000 steps a day or more just at work. We have all been checking this. I think the reason behind monitoring our steps is to justify why our job is so physically exhausting.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I LOVE my job. I LOVE the people. It challenges my creativity daily. I learn so much from the other associates and customers with amazing ideas, talents, backgrounds and insight. I Love that my family will be able to afford Christmas presents this year.
(Do any of you ever feel guilty that you would rather go to work than stay home and deal with your teenagers?)
Here is what prompted this post. I don't know how to do it all. I don't mean compete with Martha Stewart I mean simply complete the things I want to do. I had to keep the kids up late tonight just to carve pumpkins with them. Forget about a chance to go to the pumpkin patch. 2 of the 3 costumes are done. Elliot's was easy I only needed to make a Fez and bowtie (can you guess who he is?) Dylan made his costume by himself with some verbal guidance by me. Chandler's however is very complicated with a lot of detail and my sewing machine broke. I am getting it fixed in the morning but there is so little time left.
I am constantly torn between what I want to do as a mother and what I have the energy and time to do with them. Since I am never off on the weekends to be with the whole family I feel even more compelled to make sure things like costumes get done. Especially for my Cosplaying Chandler.
I don't know that there is a solution other than mentally changing what I expect out of myself. I suppose that the root of the evil is that I don't feel like I have unrealistic expectations. I have embraced "Letting It Go" over the last year and my husband and kids will tell you that.
Feeling this overwhelmed by Halloween has me nervous about what Christmas has in store. We pulled it off last year but we crammed 2 weeks worth of activity's in 1 day. We did it though and had a great time. We are pre planning our elf Shenanigans so that will be fun.
This is the end. Have a great day. I am going to sleep.
P.S. Elliot carved most of his pumpkin by himself. YAY!
I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I LOVE my job. I LOVE the people. It challenges my creativity daily. I learn so much from the other associates and customers with amazing ideas, talents, backgrounds and insight. I Love that my family will be able to afford Christmas presents this year.
(Do any of you ever feel guilty that you would rather go to work than stay home and deal with your teenagers?)
Here is what prompted this post. I don't know how to do it all. I don't mean compete with Martha Stewart I mean simply complete the things I want to do. I had to keep the kids up late tonight just to carve pumpkins with them. Forget about a chance to go to the pumpkin patch. 2 of the 3 costumes are done. Elliot's was easy I only needed to make a Fez and bowtie (can you guess who he is?) Dylan made his costume by himself with some verbal guidance by me. Chandler's however is very complicated with a lot of detail and my sewing machine broke. I am getting it fixed in the morning but there is so little time left.
I am constantly torn between what I want to do as a mother and what I have the energy and time to do with them. Since I am never off on the weekends to be with the whole family I feel even more compelled to make sure things like costumes get done. Especially for my Cosplaying Chandler.
I don't know that there is a solution other than mentally changing what I expect out of myself. I suppose that the root of the evil is that I don't feel like I have unrealistic expectations. I have embraced "Letting It Go" over the last year and my husband and kids will tell you that.
Feeling this overwhelmed by Halloween has me nervous about what Christmas has in store. We pulled it off last year but we crammed 2 weeks worth of activity's in 1 day. We did it though and had a great time. We are pre planning our elf Shenanigans so that will be fun.
This is the end. Have a great day. I am going to sleep.
P.S. Elliot carved most of his pumpkin by himself. YAY!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Start of School!
This is the first year that I was sad for school to start. This summer went by way to quickly. Working full time has changed summer for us in a drastic way. The fact the our complex pool was closed until a couple of weeks ago made free summer fun harder. We did have a few fun family days but it did fly by and I feel like we didn't do enough. Mostly I was dreading having to get up to an alarm the days after I have to close at work. Because of a last minute change at work I was able to take Dylan and Elliot to school this morning. I missed seeing Chandler since he has to leave so early.
On the way home from dropping them off at school I had a sudden realization. I was going home to an empty house. I have not had more than one day since last school year where I had more than 3 hours alone. Since I am closing today I had 4 1/2 hours alone this morning. It has been glorious so far. I ate popcorn, watched chick flicks, did some laundry and took a short nap. Did I mention I worked late last night. I then had horrible dreams all night. I kept dreaming about Dylan when he was little and all of the health problems he went through. How I use to picture how he would grow up with his terrible asthma, out of shape, constantly sick, suffering from prolonged steroid use. The light of the day however has made me extremely grateful for my 6ft tall son who is healthy happy and joining the cross country team. 10 years ago I never thought we would be here. I realize now that my health struggles lead me to finding solutions for myself which in turn lead me to helping my children have a healthy drug free childhood. This is amazing to me.
Happy start of school to everyone. Thank you for all of you who help drive my kids and take them after school on days that I work. It takes a Village and I am grateful for my tribe.
On the way home from dropping them off at school I had a sudden realization. I was going home to an empty house. I have not had more than one day since last school year where I had more than 3 hours alone. Since I am closing today I had 4 1/2 hours alone this morning. It has been glorious so far. I ate popcorn, watched chick flicks, did some laundry and took a short nap. Did I mention I worked late last night. I then had horrible dreams all night. I kept dreaming about Dylan when he was little and all of the health problems he went through. How I use to picture how he would grow up with his terrible asthma, out of shape, constantly sick, suffering from prolonged steroid use. The light of the day however has made me extremely grateful for my 6ft tall son who is healthy happy and joining the cross country team. 10 years ago I never thought we would be here. I realize now that my health struggles lead me to finding solutions for myself which in turn lead me to helping my children have a healthy drug free childhood. This is amazing to me.
Happy start of school to everyone. Thank you for all of you who help drive my kids and take them after school on days that I work. It takes a Village and I am grateful for my tribe.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
It has been awhile.
Since my last post Eric took a Grant Writing Job at UCSB and I became the CEM customer experience manager at Michaels. Customer Experience Manager you ask with a tone of confusion in your voice? I run the classroom program. I make sure we have all the teachers we need for Knitting, Crocheting, Fine Arts, Paper Crafting, Beading, Wilton, Kids Crafts, Rainbow Loom, Passport to imagination, and birthday parties. I am also in charge of specific areas within the store as well as running the store when it is my shift and a long list of other boring to anyone who is not doing them duties. "Wait didn't you just get hired?" Yes, yes I did. I was hired in November and promoted in April. Yes is was a fast move. If I do say so myself it was the best thing the store could have done ;-) I really do love the job. It is super fast passed, crazy, busy and hectic. My crafting knowledge gets tested daily. I now know that I did not know which glue was best to glue artificial feathers into a horses main. I also didn't know how to cast resin to mold wood paneling on. The best of all. Modge Podge has a glitter version!
Anyway other than that life has been life. Adjusting to having 2 full time working parents and summer break with a young child still at home will take some time. The plus and the negative is that my 2 days off each week are usually weekdays and Eric's are usually weekends. This means that there are only 3 days a week where the big boys have to take turns being in charge of the youngest boy. The negative is that Eric and I rarely have time off together and the whole family is almost never in the same place at the same time. My shifts are usually mid shift that end in the late evening so on days that I work I am rarely home for dinner.
The boys are taking their turns with cooking dinner and while this house is no where close to being spotless everyone always has clean clothes to wear. This is a feat if you ask me. Oh and most of the time there is even food in the house. Thank goodness for all those who have stepped in to help out and the fact that Eric's job is close and flexible and that he can work from home when you have a sick or injured kid. Yes we have had to use that. With this new schedule of mine I am not online as much, or at social events as often as I would like, or planning them like normal. This is just the way it is. I still want to be involved it will just be less frequent.
In the last couple of months
Elliot turned 9, Sprained his ankle 3 times. Finished 3rd grade, got the flu, and has anxiety about having a working mom. Started Reading, really reading like finishing big chapter books reading. This is HUGE!
Dylan made National Honors Society, Promoted 8th grade, turned 14, went to his first church dance, danced with girls and admitted to being interested in girls. He is also willing to ride his bike anywhere to hang out with his friends.
Chandler turned 16, dyes his hair a new color almost every Friday, talks very little to us controlling adults, starts city college next week for summer classes and rides the bus almost anywhere. He also had some cool artwork displayed at an end of the year VADA art show.
Jo, I just came back from a fabulous sisters weekend. Then had my big open house event at work. Came home from work that day and curled up into a ball and shivered for 2 hours. At that point I realized why I had been so sweaty at work all day. I ran fevers all night and into the next day. Had to call in sick to work for the first time 2 days in a row. Luckily the 3rd day (today) was my scheduled day off so I was able to have 3 days to rest. I still feel pretty crummy but will be at work tomorrow.
Eric plays the guitar every chance he gets and is getting pretty impressive.
This is just a brief overview of our life. I have a lengthy post I have been mulling over but it will take some time to complete. We shall see. I hope you are all well and enjoy your summer. I am seriously looking forward to the day our pool reopens.
Anyway other than that life has been life. Adjusting to having 2 full time working parents and summer break with a young child still at home will take some time. The plus and the negative is that my 2 days off each week are usually weekdays and Eric's are usually weekends. This means that there are only 3 days a week where the big boys have to take turns being in charge of the youngest boy. The negative is that Eric and I rarely have time off together and the whole family is almost never in the same place at the same time. My shifts are usually mid shift that end in the late evening so on days that I work I am rarely home for dinner.
The boys are taking their turns with cooking dinner and while this house is no where close to being spotless everyone always has clean clothes to wear. This is a feat if you ask me. Oh and most of the time there is even food in the house. Thank goodness for all those who have stepped in to help out and the fact that Eric's job is close and flexible and that he can work from home when you have a sick or injured kid. Yes we have had to use that. With this new schedule of mine I am not online as much, or at social events as often as I would like, or planning them like normal. This is just the way it is. I still want to be involved it will just be less frequent.
In the last couple of months
Elliot turned 9, Sprained his ankle 3 times. Finished 3rd grade, got the flu, and has anxiety about having a working mom. Started Reading, really reading like finishing big chapter books reading. This is HUGE!
Dylan made National Honors Society, Promoted 8th grade, turned 14, went to his first church dance, danced with girls and admitted to being interested in girls. He is also willing to ride his bike anywhere to hang out with his friends.
Chandler turned 16, dyes his hair a new color almost every Friday, talks very little to us controlling adults, starts city college next week for summer classes and rides the bus almost anywhere. He also had some cool artwork displayed at an end of the year VADA art show.
Jo, I just came back from a fabulous sisters weekend. Then had my big open house event at work. Came home from work that day and curled up into a ball and shivered for 2 hours. At that point I realized why I had been so sweaty at work all day. I ran fevers all night and into the next day. Had to call in sick to work for the first time 2 days in a row. Luckily the 3rd day (today) was my scheduled day off so I was able to have 3 days to rest. I still feel pretty crummy but will be at work tomorrow.
Eric plays the guitar every chance he gets and is getting pretty impressive.
This is just a brief overview of our life. I have a lengthy post I have been mulling over but it will take some time to complete. We shall see. I hope you are all well and enjoy your summer. I am seriously looking forward to the day our pool reopens.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Job update and much randomness!
I have purposely not updated on my hubbys job search as much this season. He had many interviews and jobs that looked like the one. Unfortunately this year didn't turn out much better than before.
On a different side he was offered a job at UCSB. I am not going to go into specifics other than to say it is not in the English department and not a professor job. It looks like we are staying in Goleta.
We have extremely mixed feelings about this. Living at the beach with gorgeous weather has us happy. Paying outrageous amounts of money on rent has us reluctant. The kids will be happy to stay at their schools with their friends. I will be happy to remain with my friends and continue to have scrapbooking buddies. I was so ready to move though. Start fresh. Maybe live somewhere where we could someday see the light at the end of the financial tunnel. What is better living in literal paradise struggling or living in the real world stable? I have days where staying here by the beach is all I can imagine. Then there is bill paying day when I realize we pay more for our apartment than most people pay for their much larger homes. We go swimming regularly all year long and I love it here. I am also starting to resent it.
We are immensely grateful for a job, for both of us having jobs. Sometimes the guilt of wanting to have a better life is topped by the guilt of feeling bad that I want more when so many have so much less.
For now I am relieved that we don't have to move right away. However we will need to find a new place to rent sometime this summer probably so I should start the purging now. Isn't it amazing how fast we fill up our living spaces. We don't even buy much so I am unsure of where it all comes from.
I have so often used FB and my blog to rant or just get things off of my chest. Much in the way a journal would. Now that my kids are older I am not always able to seek this release publicly and get the sage advice and honest concern from others that always comes from doing so. I miss that.
I think the best way to put it is that my life is full of grateful turmoil. I am on both spectrum almost daily. I was unaware until the last few years that this was possible this way. As a sufferer of depression I had always just gone to the bad space when things were not good. Luckily for many reasons I am able to stay out of the bad space most of the time and when I do go there I am able to recognize it and leave quickly. Having all the mixed emotions daily is confusing and relieving all at once. I am unbelievably grateful to feel happy and see the good around me even when so much could or would have brought me down. I am blessed for all the good that is around me daily. My family, friends, job, schools, church I don't know what we would do without these.
These are my random mumbling s at the end of a tiring day. Good Night.
On a different side he was offered a job at UCSB. I am not going to go into specifics other than to say it is not in the English department and not a professor job. It looks like we are staying in Goleta.
We have extremely mixed feelings about this. Living at the beach with gorgeous weather has us happy. Paying outrageous amounts of money on rent has us reluctant. The kids will be happy to stay at their schools with their friends. I will be happy to remain with my friends and continue to have scrapbooking buddies. I was so ready to move though. Start fresh. Maybe live somewhere where we could someday see the light at the end of the financial tunnel. What is better living in literal paradise struggling or living in the real world stable? I have days where staying here by the beach is all I can imagine. Then there is bill paying day when I realize we pay more for our apartment than most people pay for their much larger homes. We go swimming regularly all year long and I love it here. I am also starting to resent it.
We are immensely grateful for a job, for both of us having jobs. Sometimes the guilt of wanting to have a better life is topped by the guilt of feeling bad that I want more when so many have so much less.
For now I am relieved that we don't have to move right away. However we will need to find a new place to rent sometime this summer probably so I should start the purging now. Isn't it amazing how fast we fill up our living spaces. We don't even buy much so I am unsure of where it all comes from.
I have so often used FB and my blog to rant or just get things off of my chest. Much in the way a journal would. Now that my kids are older I am not always able to seek this release publicly and get the sage advice and honest concern from others that always comes from doing so. I miss that.
I think the best way to put it is that my life is full of grateful turmoil. I am on both spectrum almost daily. I was unaware until the last few years that this was possible this way. As a sufferer of depression I had always just gone to the bad space when things were not good. Luckily for many reasons I am able to stay out of the bad space most of the time and when I do go there I am able to recognize it and leave quickly. Having all the mixed emotions daily is confusing and relieving all at once. I am unbelievably grateful to feel happy and see the good around me even when so much could or would have brought me down. I am blessed for all the good that is around me daily. My family, friends, job, schools, church I don't know what we would do without these.
These are my random mumbling s at the end of a tiring day. Good Night.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Boys and Girls
Some of you probably won't agree with this post but I have been mulling it over in my mind for quite awhile now.
I have 3 boys. 3 incredibly different boys. My oldest has always loved dolls, the color pink, designing fashion, fixing hair, painting his nails all the the things defined by society as being "for girls". My middle son has been the complete polar opposite. He loves all things mechanical, robots, cars, trucks, computers etc. My youngest son has been a complete mix of both. (is this environment or genetics?) He loves the mechanical but he also loves my little pony's, making jewelry, and clothes. Oh how he loves clothes!
When my youngest was about 1 I started watching my friends kids daily so she could go back to work. Her youngest and my youngest are just a few months apart so for the most part it was like having twins all day. I noticed at the playground people would always comment on her behavior. Oh she is a tough one for playing in the mud all day. Wow she is brave for tackling the cross bars so young. Look at her go on that tricycle she has no fear. The reason this stood out to me was that my son the same age was doing all the same activities. Why was it socially acceptable for him to get dirty and push his physical limits but for her is was daring.
We have had so many great and positive changes for equality for women. I feel in the last 10 years or so the push to be girly is setting us back. Don't get me wrong a girl in a tutuu with a huge hair bow wearing customized jingle socks to match her outfit is a dream of mine and one I love to see. I just want that little girl to also get dirty, climb trees, run to fast, play hard, and have a well rounded childhood. The same goes for boys. I want all boys to be able to play dress up, dolls, and wear the color pink if they want to. Great dads are as important as great moms. Let the boys practice this with their playtime while they are young. There is an unnatural fear that if a boy plays with a doll he will turn into a girl and that if a girl doesn't wear pink sparkly clothes and likes to play sports she will somehow not be womanly enough.
At my work it is a common problem among mothers shopping for birthday parties to try and please both sexes. One was having a pirate party for a 5 year old and was feeling compelled to buy princess crowns for the girls instead of pirate hats and eye patches. I don't want to live in a world where girls can't pretend to be pirates. More importantly I don't want to live in a world where the parents push the little girls to be princesses not pirates. After talking to her I convinced her to keep everything pirate and told her that from my experience girls love to play pirate as much as boys and she was happy and relieved to hear so. In the same note if you are having a princess party please include boys. And for those of you that do you may find out that they like to make sparkly jeweled crafts as much as the girls. Kings wear crowns as well as queens, princesses, & princess.
One of the reasons I have loved having my kids at "hippie schools" is that the gender divide is not as great as with other schools. I have noticed much more with my youngest that girls and boys (often at the prompting of the parents) only instigate play-dates of those of the same gender. Not necessarily those that have the most in common. Whey do little girls and boys need their best friends to be of the same gender? Once they get into jr high and high school this is a little bit different but I can tell you from experience that the kids that are the most comfortable as a young child playing with the other gender will do better socially in jr high and high school. They will fit in because they are not embarrassed by or afraid to talk to anyone.
I have loved the Lego add going around that shows the most adorable little girls wearing overalls and the biggest grin on her face showing her Lego creation. None of which was pink or included a Lego make up kit. I want a world where all kids can play the way they want without judgment from peers or adults.
I think the biggest problem is that most parents don't even realize that they are helping to perpetuate this divide. If we want equality as adults we should have equality as children. I know many of you are saying boys and girls are just different. I am not arguing that fact. They are different but not always as much as we think. I think each individual human is different. There are many boys that would rather play with dolls and many girls who would rather play with trucks. My oldest would design amazing dresses for his Ariel Barbie and then make a parachute and launch her off of the balcony to test which parachutes worked best. Each time she got a newly designed dress for her launch. Don't assume and let them be and play in whatever way makes them happy.
At work in a craft store I hear little boys debating on what to buy because they are afraid the craft will be to girly and their father, brother, friend, will not like that. Sparkly things are pretty to boys and girls. Messy mud pies are fun for boys and girls. We don't take the pink crayon out of the boys boxes and the blue crayon out of the girls boxes. This would be seen as absurd but we are doing so much worse in so many other ways.
I was happy to hear that at toys r us they are trying to remove or lesson the gender divide in most of the store.
On a side note, Lego being one of the best toys ever invented, I feel like they are losing a lot of what made them great by having all of the pre made kits. It is getting hard to find just the boxes of bricks anymore. Why not include pink and purple bricks in the regular brick boxes? Why not sell all the people and parts separately and let us make a zombie, swamp man, star wars building sinking into the mud being saved from King Kong?
I will get off of my soap box now. Have a great day. Let's PLAY!
I have 3 boys. 3 incredibly different boys. My oldest has always loved dolls, the color pink, designing fashion, fixing hair, painting his nails all the the things defined by society as being "for girls". My middle son has been the complete polar opposite. He loves all things mechanical, robots, cars, trucks, computers etc. My youngest son has been a complete mix of both. (is this environment or genetics?) He loves the mechanical but he also loves my little pony's, making jewelry, and clothes. Oh how he loves clothes!
When my youngest was about 1 I started watching my friends kids daily so she could go back to work. Her youngest and my youngest are just a few months apart so for the most part it was like having twins all day. I noticed at the playground people would always comment on her behavior. Oh she is a tough one for playing in the mud all day. Wow she is brave for tackling the cross bars so young. Look at her go on that tricycle she has no fear. The reason this stood out to me was that my son the same age was doing all the same activities. Why was it socially acceptable for him to get dirty and push his physical limits but for her is was daring.
We have had so many great and positive changes for equality for women. I feel in the last 10 years or so the push to be girly is setting us back. Don't get me wrong a girl in a tutuu with a huge hair bow wearing customized jingle socks to match her outfit is a dream of mine and one I love to see. I just want that little girl to also get dirty, climb trees, run to fast, play hard, and have a well rounded childhood. The same goes for boys. I want all boys to be able to play dress up, dolls, and wear the color pink if they want to. Great dads are as important as great moms. Let the boys practice this with their playtime while they are young. There is an unnatural fear that if a boy plays with a doll he will turn into a girl and that if a girl doesn't wear pink sparkly clothes and likes to play sports she will somehow not be womanly enough.
At my work it is a common problem among mothers shopping for birthday parties to try and please both sexes. One was having a pirate party for a 5 year old and was feeling compelled to buy princess crowns for the girls instead of pirate hats and eye patches. I don't want to live in a world where girls can't pretend to be pirates. More importantly I don't want to live in a world where the parents push the little girls to be princesses not pirates. After talking to her I convinced her to keep everything pirate and told her that from my experience girls love to play pirate as much as boys and she was happy and relieved to hear so. In the same note if you are having a princess party please include boys. And for those of you that do you may find out that they like to make sparkly jeweled crafts as much as the girls. Kings wear crowns as well as queens, princesses, & princess.
One of the reasons I have loved having my kids at "hippie schools" is that the gender divide is not as great as with other schools. I have noticed much more with my youngest that girls and boys (often at the prompting of the parents) only instigate play-dates of those of the same gender. Not necessarily those that have the most in common. Whey do little girls and boys need their best friends to be of the same gender? Once they get into jr high and high school this is a little bit different but I can tell you from experience that the kids that are the most comfortable as a young child playing with the other gender will do better socially in jr high and high school. They will fit in because they are not embarrassed by or afraid to talk to anyone.
I have loved the Lego add going around that shows the most adorable little girls wearing overalls and the biggest grin on her face showing her Lego creation. None of which was pink or included a Lego make up kit. I want a world where all kids can play the way they want without judgment from peers or adults.
I think the biggest problem is that most parents don't even realize that they are helping to perpetuate this divide. If we want equality as adults we should have equality as children. I know many of you are saying boys and girls are just different. I am not arguing that fact. They are different but not always as much as we think. I think each individual human is different. There are many boys that would rather play with dolls and many girls who would rather play with trucks. My oldest would design amazing dresses for his Ariel Barbie and then make a parachute and launch her off of the balcony to test which parachutes worked best. Each time she got a newly designed dress for her launch. Don't assume and let them be and play in whatever way makes them happy.
At work in a craft store I hear little boys debating on what to buy because they are afraid the craft will be to girly and their father, brother, friend, will not like that. Sparkly things are pretty to boys and girls. Messy mud pies are fun for boys and girls. We don't take the pink crayon out of the boys boxes and the blue crayon out of the girls boxes. This would be seen as absurd but we are doing so much worse in so many other ways.
I was happy to hear that at toys r us they are trying to remove or lesson the gender divide in most of the store.
On a side note, Lego being one of the best toys ever invented, I feel like they are losing a lot of what made them great by having all of the pre made kits. It is getting hard to find just the boxes of bricks anymore. Why not include pink and purple bricks in the regular brick boxes? Why not sell all the people and parts separately and let us make a zombie, swamp man, star wars building sinking into the mud being saved from King Kong?
I will get off of my soap box now. Have a great day. Let's PLAY!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Working
So in November I was Hired at Michaels craft store. When I started putting out applications the one thing my hubby said was "don't work at Michaels or Lane Bryant it will end up costing us money". On the contrary I have had little time to do the hobby's I so enjoy since I started working so that has not been problem.
The problem is wrapping my brain around my new role in life and how our family is now going to function(or at least attempt to).
I have always admired, been jealous of, and felt bad for working mothers. I have admired how hard they work to support their family's and still make sure the house and children are taken care of. I have been jealous of the time they get to spend away from their homes and family to do something that deals with other adults. I have always felt bad for the many woman who want to stay home but can't. For the working mothers who miss the field trips, class plays, and getting to work in the classroom.
I have always had a job of some sort but one that was part time and I could set the hours so I could do the crazy things that I wanted to. When I was hired in November I thought I would have 15-20 hours a week. Little did I know that they were going to put me at 40 hours rather quickly. This was a huge adjustment for my family and myself. One of the things that has been hard about it is the fact that I love the job. It is a long 8 hours of running non stop helping people figure out ways to complete their craft projects. Once my feet didn't feel like they had been at Disneyland for a year this was all great. I really didn't expect to like it this much. Everyone who works their is great and hard working. The break room is always full of treats that people bring in to share. It is a fun place to be. Busy, Crazy, Messy, Crafty Fun place. I am having mommy guilt however that while I am there in the Crafty place I think very little of my family. I do feel bad about many of the mommy jobs I don't do anymore. A few weeks into the job I had a very busy week and I had worked 10 days in a row. One customer started talking to me about all the demands with school the last week before winter break. I was agreeing with the fact I had 3 places to be the next day and had had no time to prepare or bake anything. She put her hand on my shoulder and said "Dear some things need to be left to the Stay at Home Moms". While I don't fully agree with that statement it was the first time I was forced to realize that I am no longer a stay at home mom. I really don't want my kids to be left on their own. Mostly I don't want my youngest to miss out on the things my first 2 got to have with my staying at home. So far we have worked it out so either myself or my hubby have been home with them after school. Days off of school are going to be the hardest but occasionally it is not a problem. Summer time is what I am concerned about but I don't want to worry prematurely. Gratefully this job is very flexible and understanding of a busy life. I am able to request not to work on the nights my hubby needs to be gone or when the kids have special events with school. I am sooo grateful for this flexibility.
Working has been an adjustment. One thing I learned is that my hubby would make a great stay at home dad. He has truly stepped up to the challenge. He has not once expected me to do all of what I use to around the house and keep working full time. As of right now my hours are less and He is teaching 3 classes. My hours will be increasing again soon as well as one of my new rolls as the papercrafting/scrapbooking instructor at the store. I am super excited about this.
One thing we have done is assigned one night a week for the boys to be in charge of dinner. We planned the meals they would cook together and planned for a month at a time. They also have their assigned chores for the week and personal chores that must be done daily in addition to homework. As long and we stay on top of this I think we might make it without falling apart.
I don't know what my purpose of this post is other than to express my conflicted feeling. Going through all of this over the holidays did make them go by in a blur and I do feel a bit sad that they flew by without me. We did have a great Christmas and thanks to some wonderful Santa's our kids had a great Christmas.
I have never understood the Mommy wars. I have never felt like one side works harder than the other or that one is right and one is wrong. They are both hard and both must have sacrifices and triumphs.
The problem is wrapping my brain around my new role in life and how our family is now going to function(or at least attempt to).
I have always admired, been jealous of, and felt bad for working mothers. I have admired how hard they work to support their family's and still make sure the house and children are taken care of. I have been jealous of the time they get to spend away from their homes and family to do something that deals with other adults. I have always felt bad for the many woman who want to stay home but can't. For the working mothers who miss the field trips, class plays, and getting to work in the classroom.
I have always had a job of some sort but one that was part time and I could set the hours so I could do the crazy things that I wanted to. When I was hired in November I thought I would have 15-20 hours a week. Little did I know that they were going to put me at 40 hours rather quickly. This was a huge adjustment for my family and myself. One of the things that has been hard about it is the fact that I love the job. It is a long 8 hours of running non stop helping people figure out ways to complete their craft projects. Once my feet didn't feel like they had been at Disneyland for a year this was all great. I really didn't expect to like it this much. Everyone who works their is great and hard working. The break room is always full of treats that people bring in to share. It is a fun place to be. Busy, Crazy, Messy, Crafty Fun place. I am having mommy guilt however that while I am there in the Crafty place I think very little of my family. I do feel bad about many of the mommy jobs I don't do anymore. A few weeks into the job I had a very busy week and I had worked 10 days in a row. One customer started talking to me about all the demands with school the last week before winter break. I was agreeing with the fact I had 3 places to be the next day and had had no time to prepare or bake anything. She put her hand on my shoulder and said "Dear some things need to be left to the Stay at Home Moms". While I don't fully agree with that statement it was the first time I was forced to realize that I am no longer a stay at home mom. I really don't want my kids to be left on their own. Mostly I don't want my youngest to miss out on the things my first 2 got to have with my staying at home. So far we have worked it out so either myself or my hubby have been home with them after school. Days off of school are going to be the hardest but occasionally it is not a problem. Summer time is what I am concerned about but I don't want to worry prematurely. Gratefully this job is very flexible and understanding of a busy life. I am able to request not to work on the nights my hubby needs to be gone or when the kids have special events with school. I am sooo grateful for this flexibility.
Working has been an adjustment. One thing I learned is that my hubby would make a great stay at home dad. He has truly stepped up to the challenge. He has not once expected me to do all of what I use to around the house and keep working full time. As of right now my hours are less and He is teaching 3 classes. My hours will be increasing again soon as well as one of my new rolls as the papercrafting/scrapbooking instructor at the store. I am super excited about this.
One thing we have done is assigned one night a week for the boys to be in charge of dinner. We planned the meals they would cook together and planned for a month at a time. They also have their assigned chores for the week and personal chores that must be done daily in addition to homework. As long and we stay on top of this I think we might make it without falling apart.
I don't know what my purpose of this post is other than to express my conflicted feeling. Going through all of this over the holidays did make them go by in a blur and I do feel a bit sad that they flew by without me. We did have a great Christmas and thanks to some wonderful Santa's our kids had a great Christmas.
I have never understood the Mommy wars. I have never felt like one side works harder than the other or that one is right and one is wrong. They are both hard and both must have sacrifices and triumphs.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Dying
I have a dear friend in Hospice right now and she won't be around much longer. This has lead me to have many mixed feeling lately. I have always been grateful when people die. My feeling is I would rather see them go and be in peace than to have lived in pain. Let's face it there really isn't a way someone could die, disease, illness, accident that would not have been painful if the person lived. I have always been a bit jealous actually that the person gets to move on and leave us behind and go see all those they have loved and live in such a glorious way. The problem with death is that it is hard for the living. I have always found this ironic. It is simple selfish human nature to want someone to stay with us when such a wonderful place is ahead. The problem is I have many conflicted feelings. I understand that it is better for them to pass on. It is the everyday things that make us staying here without them difficult. I was checking someone out at work and they bought an item I had only seen at my friends home. The memories this item brought on struck me with a sudden wave of unexpected sadness.Why are the memories so sad once someone is gone? With time they can become happy memories again with the right attitude. I have seen this so many times. While I understand what is about to happen to my friend small things really get to me. I hope to be able to remember her spirit in a happy way soon and not sad. I hope she goes as painless as possible. Good bye my friend.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Marriage
I have been seeing a lot of quotes about love and marriage lately. Many of which are extremely unrealistic. While we would love a night on shining armor to bring us roses every day and feed us caviar while we watch the sunset at the beach this simply is not going to happen. What women see as romantic or as a sign of affection is not always the way a man sees it. I hear women complain all the time that their husband does not do romantic things or is somehow not living up to there fantasy. My 17th wedding anniversary is coming up soon so here is some of what I have learned about Love and romance. I acknowledge I have a lot more to learn.
Love and romance
Love is when your husband is willing to drive the kids to school so you can sleep in, work out, whatever you need to function that day.
Romance is a man willing to get up in the middle of the night to get you an ice pack and whatever else is needed to fight the migraine that suddenly came on. He will rub your neck too even though he is dead tired.
Love is a man who despite his instinct to run when things are bad at work or school or just in general life situations still comes home to help with kids with homework and often help with housework.
Romance is a man who encourages you to have girl time with your friends because he knows how much this helps your stress levels and makes you happier overall. I might add that more traditional romance is often a result of a happier wife.
Love is a man who will just do the laundry when it needs to be done instead of complaining about it.
Romance is that 2-3 times a year when you actually get to go on a date. A matinee movie so you don't have to pay full price followed by a Chipotle picnic at the beach until the kids are all in bed.
Love is putting up with a drastic dietary change to the household and going with out to many complaints to make your wife happy.
Romance is having no money but on Christmas or other holidays your man buying you a cd are small gift he remembered you mentioning from months earlier.
Love is a man who has learned not to fight back or take too seriously the delusional comments and fury from a women in the stages of PMS.
Love is a women who warns her husband that PMS is on it's way so he can emotionally and mentally prepare for what lies ahead.
Romance is a man who pretends to be interested in his wife's scrapbooks to support her addictions.
Love is a man who is very organized, neat, and tidy, living in a crafty, chaotic, home knowing his wife and kids have enjoyed their crafty adventures.
Love is a man who is patient with his kids and helpful no matter how difficult they may be.
Romance is a man who has to close his eyes to watch medical dramas be willing to peel the dead skin off of your 3rd degree burn.
These are just a few things I have been thinking about. I really feel that so much of our happiness and attitude toward our relationships is simply in our attitude and how we see things. Men think differently then women and when we acknowledge and accept that we will be happier. If you want or need something tell him. Don't assume he should know. That is a petty teenage girl thing to think. If we think differently, then why should we assume that they would see what we need We are different. Give them credit for what they do do and see the love and romance in their daily actions. One of my favorite quotes is something like the key to a happy marriage is never falling out of love at the same time. I love that. I would add the key to a happy marriage is never falling out of like. Love will come and go but liking the person will sustain a relationship. If you don't like the person a whole lot good sex can sustain things for awhile too!
Love and romance
Love is when your husband is willing to drive the kids to school so you can sleep in, work out, whatever you need to function that day.
Romance is a man willing to get up in the middle of the night to get you an ice pack and whatever else is needed to fight the migraine that suddenly came on. He will rub your neck too even though he is dead tired.
Love is a man who despite his instinct to run when things are bad at work or school or just in general life situations still comes home to help with kids with homework and often help with housework.
Romance is a man who encourages you to have girl time with your friends because he knows how much this helps your stress levels and makes you happier overall. I might add that more traditional romance is often a result of a happier wife.
Love is a man who will just do the laundry when it needs to be done instead of complaining about it.
Romance is that 2-3 times a year when you actually get to go on a date. A matinee movie so you don't have to pay full price followed by a Chipotle picnic at the beach until the kids are all in bed.
Love is putting up with a drastic dietary change to the household and going with out to many complaints to make your wife happy.
Romance is having no money but on Christmas or other holidays your man buying you a cd are small gift he remembered you mentioning from months earlier.
Love is a man who has learned not to fight back or take too seriously the delusional comments and fury from a women in the stages of PMS.
Love is a women who warns her husband that PMS is on it's way so he can emotionally and mentally prepare for what lies ahead.
Romance is a man who pretends to be interested in his wife's scrapbooks to support her addictions.
Love is a man who is very organized, neat, and tidy, living in a crafty, chaotic, home knowing his wife and kids have enjoyed their crafty adventures.
Love is a man who is patient with his kids and helpful no matter how difficult they may be.
Romance is a man who has to close his eyes to watch medical dramas be willing to peel the dead skin off of your 3rd degree burn.
These are just a few things I have been thinking about. I really feel that so much of our happiness and attitude toward our relationships is simply in our attitude and how we see things. Men think differently then women and when we acknowledge and accept that we will be happier. If you want or need something tell him. Don't assume he should know. That is a petty teenage girl thing to think. If we think differently, then why should we assume that they would see what we need We are different. Give them credit for what they do do and see the love and romance in their daily actions. One of my favorite quotes is something like the key to a happy marriage is never falling out of love at the same time. I love that. I would add the key to a happy marriage is never falling out of like. Love will come and go but liking the person will sustain a relationship. If you don't like the person a whole lot good sex can sustain things for awhile too!
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Changes to Digital Scrapbooking.
So many of you know, but many of you don't. Creative Memories went out of business and the new company in it's place is Ahni&Zoe by Creative Memories. While I am hopeful and encouraged for the future of this company they will no longer be supporting Digital Scrapbooking Software. Don't worry though the answer is with Panstoria. Panstoria is the company that CM hired to create Storybook and Memory Manager. Now Panstoria supports them solely instead of CM. Storybook is now called Artisan and Memory Manager is now called Historian. Panstoria will also be selling digital artwork and more. I am now a Panstoria affiliate in addition to being and Ahni&Zoe Consultant. Under my tabs at the top of this blog are all of the links you need to order through me. If you have been my customer in the past I would appreciate retaining your business. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about the changes.
New to digital scrapbooking:
I can't say enough about how much I love these programs. The possibilities are truly endless. I would love the opportunity to help you get started.
Artisan this program is for digital scrapbooking but the design possibilities are endless.
Historian this program is for organizing and editing your photos.
Experienced digital scrapbookers:
The main thing to remember is that Panstoria will support Storybook and Memory Manager until December 2013. At this point the programs will still work on your computer as long as your operating system supports them. After December if you need to upgrade you will need to switch to Artisan or Historian. Please order through me when this time comes. The great news is that the software is now half the price.
When you do make the switch to Historian and Artisan your vaults and files will be there. You won't have to spend hours transferring things to the new programs. In fact they look almost identical. With only a few minor changes this should be seamless transition for you.
If you also want to be able to get credit for selling these fabulous programs I would love to be your sponsor.
I am always happy to help with your scrapbooking needs. Don't hesitate ask.
Updates on Traditional scrapbooking and album options will be coming soon. Keep your eyes open for the new product line of Ahni&Zoe by Creative Memories.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Gettin Crafty!
Thank You Pinterest. I know people complain about Pinterest and how they feel like they will never have time to do all the things they have pinned. I don't see Pinterest this way. I see it as a way to store good ideas in case I need them in the future. When I moved last summer all of those great organization tips I pinned came in handy. Now at a time in my life when I am trying with all my might to ignore as much as possible about the current situation I am unfortunately living in, I decided to craft. After all it is cheaper than therapy.
What spurred the creations was a free standing metal frame that my Mom left when she moved. It has 3 sections on it that I thought would be great for seasonal decor outside of my front door. I have finished Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The rest of the Seasons will have to wait for a while. My family is tired of living in glitter and paint.
What spurred the creations was a free standing metal frame that my Mom left when she moved. It has 3 sections on it that I thought would be great for seasonal decor outside of my front door. I have finished Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The rest of the Seasons will have to wait for a while. My family is tired of living in glitter and paint.
Next are some Halloween Fun. I saw these on Pinterest and have been wanting to make them for months. The wreath was holding me back because of the cost involved to purchase all that was required. I had to make a trip to Michaels to get some adhesive. They had a similar wreath outside the door. I had a temporary laps in judgment and broke down and bought the purple and black glittery tulle/ribbon. I also bought the hat and pipe cleaners. It cost me less than $20 to make all of these projects. Now pick your jaw up off the floor. Most of the materials I already owned. The shoes, stockings, skirt part of the wreath came from the Swap Shop as well as all the wood used for all of the signs. Thank You SWAP SHOP.
This last board my just be my favorite. It may also stay in the kitchen all year long. I wanted to add some purple paint to it but I didn't have any left.
If you want to join me to get your craft on I am always happy to. Now that I have had some emotional cleansing it is time to pack up the paint, cricut, vinyl, and glitter and finish all the other projects I have going on around the house.
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