Dying

I have a dear friend in Hospice right now and she won't be around much longer. This has lead me to have many mixed feeling lately. I have always been grateful when people die. My feeling is I would rather see them go and be in peace than to have lived in pain. Let's face it there really isn't a way someone could die, disease, illness, accident that would not have been painful if the person lived. I have always been a bit jealous actually that the person gets to move on and leave us behind and go see all those they have loved and live in such a glorious way. The problem with death is that it is hard for the living. I have always found this ironic. It is simple selfish human nature to want someone to stay with us when such a wonderful place is ahead. The problem is I have many conflicted feelings. I understand that it is better for them to pass on. It is the everyday things that make us staying here without them difficult. I was checking someone out at work and they bought an item I had only seen at my friends home. The memories this item brought on struck me with a sudden wave of unexpected sadness.Why are the memories so sad once someone is gone? With time they can become happy memories again with the right attitude. I have seen this so many times. While I understand what is about to happen to my friend small things really get to me. I hope to be able to remember her spirit in a happy way soon and not sad. I hope she goes as painless as possible. Good bye my friend.