It has now been a year since I have gone back to work. It has now been 6 months since I have been a Manager working full time. My schedule is very erratic. One morning a week I open the store, 1-2 nights a week I close the store and the rest of the days I am a mid shift so I am there till after dinner time and barely make it home to see the kids before bed. I have let go of any sense of a clean house. That does not mean we don't have dishes to eat off of but there are simply organizing projects that need to take place so there are not boxes on the floor of every room of the house. I never have 2 days off in a row so on my days off I often have to be at work early the next morning and closed the night before. Needless to say I am exhausted on those rare days off. Did I mention that at my job the managers all walk 12000 steps a day or more just at work. We have all been checking this. I think the reason behind monitoring our steps is to justify why our job is so physically exhausting.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I LOVE my job. I LOVE the people. It challenges my creativity daily. I learn so much from the other associates and customers with amazing ideas, talents, backgrounds and insight. I Love that my family will be able to afford Christmas presents this year.
(Do any of you ever feel guilty that you would rather go to work than stay home and deal with your teenagers?)
Here is what prompted this post. I don't know how to do it all. I don't mean compete with Martha Stewart I mean simply complete the things I want to do. I had to keep the kids up late tonight just to carve pumpkins with them. Forget about a chance to go to the pumpkin patch. 2 of the 3 costumes are done. Elliot's was easy I only needed to make a Fez and bowtie (can you guess who he is?) Dylan made his costume by himself with some verbal guidance by me. Chandler's however is very complicated with a lot of detail and my sewing machine broke. I am getting it fixed in the morning but there is so little time left.
I am constantly torn between what I want to do as a mother and what I have the energy and time to do with them. Since I am never off on the weekends to be with the whole family I feel even more compelled to make sure things like costumes get done. Especially for my Cosplaying Chandler.
I don't know that there is a solution other than mentally changing what I expect out of myself. I suppose that the root of the evil is that I don't feel like I have unrealistic expectations. I have embraced "Letting It Go" over the last year and my husband and kids will tell you that.
Feeling this overwhelmed by Halloween has me nervous about what Christmas has in store. We pulled it off last year but we crammed 2 weeks worth of activity's in 1 day. We did it though and had a great time. We are pre planning our elf Shenanigans so that will be fun.
This is the end. Have a great day. I am going to sleep.
P.S. Elliot carved most of his pumpkin by himself. YAY!
