Boys and Girls

Some of you probably won't agree with this post but I have been mulling it over in my mind for quite awhile now.

I have 3 boys. 3 incredibly different boys. My oldest has always loved dolls, the color pink, designing fashion, fixing hair, painting his nails all the the things defined by society as being "for girls". My middle son has been the complete polar opposite. He loves all things mechanical, robots, cars, trucks, computers etc. My youngest son has been a complete mix of both. (is this environment or genetics?) He loves the mechanical but he also loves my little pony's, making jewelry, and clothes. Oh how he loves clothes!

When my youngest was about 1 I started watching my friends kids daily so she could go back to work. Her youngest and my youngest are just a few months apart so for the most part it was like having twins all day. I noticed at the playground people would always comment on her behavior. Oh she is a tough one for playing in the mud all day. Wow she is brave for tackling the cross bars so young. Look at her go on that tricycle she has no fear. The reason this stood out to me was that my son the same age was doing all the same activities. Why was it socially acceptable for him to get dirty and push his physical limits but for her is was daring.

We have had so many great and positive changes for equality for women. I feel in the last 10 years or so the push to be girly is setting us back. Don't get me wrong a girl in a tutuu with a huge hair bow wearing customized jingle socks to match her outfit is a dream of mine and one I love to see. I just want that little girl to also get dirty, climb trees, run to fast, play hard, and have a well rounded childhood. The same goes for boys. I want all boys to be able to play dress up, dolls, and wear the color pink if they want to. Great dads are as important as great moms. Let the boys practice this with their playtime while they are young. There is an unnatural fear that if a boy plays with a doll he will turn into a girl and that if a girl doesn't wear pink sparkly clothes and likes to play sports she will somehow not be womanly enough.

At my work it is a common problem among mothers shopping for birthday parties to try and please both sexes. One was having a pirate party for a 5 year old and was feeling compelled to buy princess crowns for the girls instead of pirate hats and eye patches. I don't want to live in a world where girls can't pretend to be pirates. More importantly I don't want to live in a world where the parents push the little girls to be princesses not pirates. After talking to her I convinced her to keep everything pirate and told her that from my experience girls love to play pirate as much as boys and she was happy and relieved to hear so. In the same note if you are having a princess party please include boys. And for those of you that do you may find out that they like to make sparkly jeweled crafts as much as the girls. Kings wear crowns as well as queens, princesses, & princess.

One of the reasons I have loved having my kids at "hippie schools" is that the gender divide is not as great as with other schools. I have noticed much more with my youngest that girls and boys (often at the prompting of the parents) only instigate play-dates of those of the same gender. Not necessarily those that have the most in common. Whey do little girls and boys need their best friends to be of the same gender? Once they get into jr high and high school this is a little bit different but I can tell you from experience that the kids that are the most comfortable as a young child playing with the other gender will do better socially in jr high and high school. They will fit in because they are not embarrassed by or afraid to talk to anyone.

I have loved the Lego add going around that shows the most adorable little girls wearing overalls and the biggest grin on her face showing her Lego creation. None of which was pink or included a Lego make up kit. I want a world where all kids can play the way they want without judgment from peers or adults.

I think the biggest problem is that most parents don't even realize that they are helping to perpetuate this divide. If we want equality as adults we should have equality as children. I know  many of you are saying boys and girls are just different. I am not arguing that fact. They are different but not always as much as we think. I think each individual human is different. There are many boys that would rather play with dolls and many girls who would rather play with trucks. My oldest would design amazing dresses for his Ariel Barbie and then make a parachute and launch her off of the balcony to test which parachutes worked best. Each time she got a newly designed dress for her launch. Don't assume and let them be and play in whatever way makes them happy.

At work in a craft store I hear little boys debating on what to buy because they are afraid the craft will be to girly and their father, brother, friend, will not like that. Sparkly things are pretty to boys and girls. Messy mud pies are fun for boys and girls. We don't take the pink crayon out of the boys boxes and the blue crayon out of the girls boxes. This would be seen as absurd but we are doing so much worse in so many other ways.

I was happy to hear that at toys r us they are trying to remove or lesson the gender divide in most of the store.

On a side note, Lego being one of the best toys ever invented, I feel like they are losing a lot of what made them great by having all of the pre made kits. It is getting hard to find just the boxes of bricks anymore. Why not include pink and purple bricks in the regular brick boxes? Why not sell all the people and parts separately and let us make a zombie, swamp man, star wars building sinking into the mud being saved from King Kong?


I will get off of my soap box now. Have a great day. Let's PLAY!