That time of year again.

For most people this time of year is full of fun, excitement  gratitude, giving, and a general good spirit. Not for us however. This time of year is the Job Search for English folks trying to find work of any kind. It is full of anxiety, dread, depression, and UNKOWN. It is my Hubby's 5th year of doing this and we are done emotionally. So done in fact we are not even really talking about it anymore. He fills out applications and occasionally tells me about one that was particularly difficult or obscure for some reason but other than that I am in the dark. I like it that way. This way I don't start hoping and dreaming about possibilities for the future. We have no idea where our future will be and what we will do and how we will support our family. All I know is that when things seem impossible a way is provided and we work it out. This does not mean that we have everything we want this means that the bare necessity's are provided for. Literally I am excited just to be able to buy groceries and pay all the bills in the same month. Barring Dental and car issues or things like like we are scrapping by which I am immensely grateful for. For those added dilemmas family and friends have looked out for us when needed. I apologize if this seems negative. That is not my intent. This is just how life is for us now. It is very different then what I pictured almost 16 years ago when we got married or even 5 years ago when we started the job search. My expectations are drastically different. I now don't expect to ever own a  home. That is ok. We are so blessed compared to many. Why things keep working out for us and not so many is beyond me. I have met so many hard working people over the last few years that are worse off than we are. My children are healthy and have clothes that fit, We have a place to live, and car to drive and most of the time can afford the gas to drive it. A particularly hard aspect of the job market for me is everyone tries to spare Eric so instead of asking him they ask me how the job search is going. Here is my answer. Who Knows. Until a job offer has been made requests, interview, fly outs, they all mean nothing. Trust me when when I tell you that if a job offer has been made you will all hear about it rather quickly. Please stop asking. It makes us feel like we need to console the rest of the world as we deal with the impossible unknown ahead of us. Since interviews take place the week after Christmas we try to stay positive and remember why we are celebrating but that underlying fear remains. Pray for us that a job will be there next year. Thank you for reading my rant. I really do hope you all have a great Christmas and Holiday Season and can find the joy in it. Do something kind for someone else. You may not know how much they really need it. We have had so many small kindnesses done for us that meant the world and provided little things that made a huge difference.