Dying

I have a dear friend in Hospice right now and she won't be around much longer. This has lead me to have many mixed feeling lately. I have always been grateful when people die. My feeling is I would rather see them go and be in peace than to have lived in pain. Let's face it there really isn't a way someone could die, disease, illness, accident that would not have been painful if the person lived. I have always been a bit jealous actually that the person gets to move on and leave us behind and go see all those they have loved and live in such a glorious way. The problem with death is that it is hard for the living. I have always found this ironic. It is simple selfish human nature to want someone to stay with us when such a wonderful place is ahead. The problem is I have many conflicted feelings. I understand that it is better for them to pass on. It is the everyday things that make us staying here without them difficult. I was checking someone out at work and they bought an item I had only seen at my friends home. The memories this item brought on struck me with a sudden wave of unexpected sadness.Why are the memories so sad once someone is gone? With time they can become happy memories again with the right attitude. I have seen this so many times. While I understand what is about to happen to my friend small things really get to me. I hope to be able to remember her spirit in a happy way soon and not sad. I hope she goes as painless as possible. Good bye my friend.

Marriage

I have been seeing a lot of quotes about love and marriage lately. Many of which are extremely unrealistic. While we would love a night on shining armor to bring us roses every day and feed us caviar while we watch the sunset at the beach this simply is not going to happen. What women see as romantic or as a sign of affection is not always the way a man sees it. I hear women complain all the time that their husband does not do romantic things or is somehow not living up to there fantasy. My 17th wedding anniversary is coming up soon so here is some of what I have learned about Love and romance. I acknowledge I have a lot more to learn.

Love and romance
Love is when your husband is willing to drive the kids to school so you can sleep in, work out, whatever you need to function that day.

Romance is a man willing to get up in the middle of the night to get you an ice pack and whatever else is needed to fight the migraine that suddenly came on. He will rub your neck too even though he is dead tired.

Love is a man who despite his instinct to run when things are bad at work or school or just in general life situations still comes home to help with kids with homework and often help with housework.

Romance is a man who encourages you to have girl time with your friends because he knows how much this helps your stress levels and makes you happier overall. I might add that more traditional romance is often a result of a happier wife.

Love is a man who will just do the laundry when it needs to be done instead of complaining about it.

Romance is that 2-3 times a year when you actually get to go on a date. A matinee movie so you don't have to pay full price followed by a Chipotle picnic at the beach until the kids are all in bed.

Love is putting up with a drastic dietary change to the household and going with out to many complaints to make your wife happy.

Romance is having no money but on Christmas or other holidays your man buying you a cd are small gift he remembered you mentioning from months earlier.

Love is a man who has learned not to fight back or take too seriously the delusional comments and fury from a women in the stages of PMS.

Love is a women who warns her husband  that PMS is on it's way so he can emotionally and mentally prepare for what lies ahead.

Romance is a man who pretends to be interested in his wife's scrapbooks to support her addictions.

Love is a man who is very organized, neat, and tidy, living in a crafty, chaotic, home knowing his wife and kids have enjoyed their crafty adventures.

Love is a man who is patient with his kids and helpful no matter how difficult they may be.

Romance is a man who has to close his eyes to watch medical dramas be willing to peel the dead skin off of your 3rd degree burn.


These are just a few things I have been thinking about. I really feel that so much of our happiness and attitude toward our relationships is simply in our attitude and how we see things. Men think differently then women and when we acknowledge and accept that we will be happier. If you want or need something tell him. Don't assume he should know. That is a petty teenage girl thing to think. If we think differently, then why should we assume that they would see what we need  We are different. Give them credit for what they do do and see the love and romance in their daily actions. One of my favorite quotes is something like the key to a happy marriage is never falling out of love at the same time. I love that. I would add the key to a happy marriage is never falling out of like. Love will come and go but liking the person will sustain a relationship. If you don't like the person a whole lot good sex can sustain things for awhile too!

Changes to Digital Scrapbooking.

 So many of you know, but many of you don't. Creative Memories went out of business and the new company in it's place is Ahni&Zoe by Creative Memories. While I am hopeful and encouraged for the future of this company they will no longer be supporting Digital Scrapbooking Software. Don't worry though the answer is with Panstoria. Panstoria is the company that CM hired to create Storybook and Memory Manager. Now Panstoria supports them solely instead of CM. Storybook is now called Artisan and Memory Manager is now called Historian. Panstoria will also be selling digital artwork and more. I am now a Panstoria affiliate in addition to being and Ahni&Zoe Consultant. Under my tabs at the top of this blog are all of the links you need to order through me. If you have been my customer in the past I would appreciate retaining your business. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about the changes.

New to digital scrapbooking:
 I can't say enough about how much I love these programs. The possibilities are truly endless. I would love the opportunity to help you get started.
Artisan this program is for digital scrapbooking but the design possibilities are endless.
Historian this program is for organizing and editing your photos.

Experienced digital scrapbookers:
The main thing to remember is that Panstoria will support Storybook and Memory Manager until December 2013. At this point the programs will still work on your computer as long as your operating system supports them. After December if you need to upgrade you will need to switch to Artisan or Historian. Please order through me when this time comes. The great news is that the software is now half the price.

When you do make the switch to Historian and Artisan your vaults and files will be there. You won't have to spend hours transferring things to the new programs. In fact they look almost identical. With only a few minor changes this should be seamless transition for you.

If you also want to be able to get credit for selling these fabulous programs I would love to be your sponsor.

I am always happy to help with your scrapbooking needs. Don't hesitate ask.

Updates on Traditional scrapbooking and album options will be coming soon. Keep your eyes open for the new product line of Ahni&Zoe by Creative Memories.

Bad News!

More Bad News! I am not going to say much more than that. Trying to stay positive.

Gettin Crafty!

Thank You Pinterest. I know people complain about Pinterest and how they feel like they will never have time to do all the things they have pinned. I don't see Pinterest this way. I see it as a way to store good ideas in case I need them in the future. When I moved last summer all of those great organization tips I pinned came in handy. Now at a time in my life when I am trying with all my might to ignore as much as possible about the current situation I am unfortunately living in, I decided to craft. After all it is cheaper than therapy.

What spurred the creations was a free standing metal frame that my Mom left when she moved. It has 3 sections on it that I thought would be great for seasonal decor outside of my front door. I have finished Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. The rest of the Seasons will have to wait for a while. My family is tired of living in glitter and paint.

Next are some Halloween Fun. I saw these on Pinterest and have been wanting to make them for months. The wreath was holding me back because of the cost involved to purchase all that was required. I had to make a trip to Michaels to get some adhesive. They had a similar wreath outside the door. I had a temporary laps in judgment and broke down and bought the purple and black glittery tulle/ribbon. I also bought the hat and pipe cleaners. It cost me less than $20 to make all of these projects. Now pick your jaw up off the floor. Most of the materials I already owned. The shoes, stockings, skirt part of the wreath came from the Swap Shop as well as all the wood used for all of the signs. Thank You SWAP SHOP. 

This last board my just be my favorite. It may also stay in the kitchen all year long. I wanted to add some purple paint to it but I didn't have any left. 

If you want to join me to get your craft on I am always happy to. Now that I have had some emotional cleansing it is time to pack up the paint, cricut, vinyl, and glitter and finish all the other projects I have going on around the house. 

Update on Dylan's Burn

This just proves to me the ability to heal things naturally. When Chandler had a similar burn it took weeks and weeks to heal. It has been less then 2 weeks and it is almost completely healed. I love my doTerra oils and all that I have learned to treat my kids naturally. Yeah!

Mine Craft Quilt!

Dodge Van for Sale!

Craigslist link

1995 Dodge Van Magnum Prime Time 149653 miles
- Leather Interior
-Everything runs great. (Shouldn't it be everything rolls great when talking about cars? Running is for suckers.)
-Seats 7: Bench in back holds 3, 2 captains chairs in middle, 2 front captains chairs. (Who is in charge with that many Captains?)
-New Tires from Costco (traction is very important)
-Bench in back folds down to a comfy bed with the push of a button. (It's not called the Shaggin' Waggin' for nothing.)
-Working TV and VCR. (Will include a well loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle VHS. You want this van now, I can tell)
-Has tow hitch to pull trailers, boats, beanie babies, whatever you need to tow. 
-Extra high roof (great for road trip dance parties)
-Removable bar in back that can be used to hang clothes from. (keep your pet bats comfortable anytime)
-Great for camping, road trips, temporary living. Guest room for family reunions, date night (when you have to leave the house to get away from the kids' loud noise but it would be illegal to leave the property. (Nothing says romance like popcorn and a VHS)
-All side and back windows have 2 curtains. Pull down shades and dark brown curtains for sleeping (or hiding when visiting the in-laws).
-Works perfectly for those who love to shop at yard sales or move furniture. Can fit anything you need on the spot (unless you are an Orca smuggler & shame on you if you are). 
Back door has a collectable Coca-Cola bottle opener that works on all bottle types! (Please drink responsibly.)
-Will include new snow chains, ipod to cassette converter, extra anti freeze, extra motor oil. (boogie down in the snow)

We had a fun time writing this add. Hopefully it will sell quickly. 

Update

It has been a while since I have posted. Needless to say no news is bad news. Many people want an update so I am going to give a brief one. Due to some possible miracle in the universe I may be getting a job that would allow us to stay in the area. Yes me, not my hubby. He also has a possibility we are waiting on in the area. Neither of us will know anything for sure until mid August which cuts it really close to school starting. We can only do what we can do. Keep us in your prayers. He is still daily applying to jobs anywhere and everywhere.
I am afraid of going to work full time. I am willing to do it but afraid still. Elliot is still so young and I will miss out on so many things with him that I was able to do with the older boys. Week long school camps. Volunteering weekly, Helping with parties, and just being able to do extra things at school that benefit him. If we both get these jobs, (I will still have to work even if he gets the one he is hoping for) there will be some juggling with the kids schedule for the first few months until my schedule will be more flexible. A family member graciously gave us a car so both of us working is a more doable situation. The art program Chandler is going to be in has all sorts of activities and shows I won't be able to participate in. Who will take the pictures for the scrapbooks if I am not there? Our plans change almost daily so more details at this point are pointless. Thank you for your prayers, positive thoughts. When we know more I will let you know.

Bath Salts

Bath Salts Recipe:

3 cups Epsom Salt 
2 cups Baking Soda 
1 cup Sea Salt 
Scented Essential Oils (2-4 drops)

If you want more than one scent , separate into different bowls before adding the scent. Then you can have 2-3 different choices to choose from. Let the bath salts dry for 24 hours before placing them into your decorative jars. You can also turn these into scrubs by adding combinations of coconut oil, jojoba oil, vitamin oil. Basically any oil good for your skin along with essential oils. 

Soaking in this is great for sore muscles, bruises, and a way to get much needed Magnesium. 

Store in Canning jars. If it gets clumpy throw in dehydrator or oven on warm and it will dry out. Alternatively mix with oils to create a scrub. 

Makes a great gift. Is healing to the skin. All around lovely to soak in. Softens Feet. Can be used in hair as well. Try it out. I would love to see what you think. 

Hope

It has happened again. Scary, terrifying, petrifying Hope has made it's way back into our life. I am not going to say much about it other than 2 job possibilities. There is so much fear wrapped around these little glimmers of hope. I am not sure we will emotionally survive many more let downs after getting this far. Tonight I am choosing to stay positive and feel like this is it and it will work out for us. It could just be the high I am on from watching 2nd graders in a pirate play, but I will take it when I can.
Pray, chant, burn incense whatever you want to do. Spin around backwards and spit over your shoulder. I will take any good vibes you can send me. We really need it. Lets hope in a couple of weeks I have some good news.

Living in the Dark

I am not really sure why or where I am going with this post. It is going to be raw, truthful, and share some personal information some of you may not want to hear. My husband alone probably won't be happy that I am sharing it but I need to rant. It has been an terrible, awful, down in the dumps week month few months. Some background. If you didn't already know my hubby has been looking for work for 4 years now. We have been blessed with temporary jobs to fill in the time but that ends in July and a long term position is desperately needed. We had a very encouraging job search with multiple fly out interviews that did not pan out into anything. Just when we are about to give up we get a new glimmer of hope. Another interview comes along and then once again crushes all our hopes, dreams, and expectations of eating and keeping a roof over our heads.

Our Van. I love our van. Our beautiful dented falling apart van. 2 years ago I picked a fight with a pole in a parking lot and dented the passenger door and sliding door. The very next night trying to prove how tough I am I did the exact same thing in the same spot of the car except this time seriously cracking the side mirror. Every door handle on the outside needed to be changed. I had to change the starter twice. About 6 months ago after a lot of hassle we had to get the overwhelmingly expensive fly wheel changed. A few months ago I was rear ended in a parking lot and crushed the tail light.  Last month a screw fell out of the back side window. A few days later before we could fix it the wind blew the window of and shattered it bending the frame. A fuse blew inside the control panel so we have no working clock or lights on that part of the car. Last Monday I had a flat with 2 nails in it. Monday I was pulled over and informed that none of my break lights were working and that I needed to change fuses, check electrical, bulbs. Yesterday taking the flat into Costco to be repaired they informed me (after 3 hours of waiting) that my 2 front tires were dangerously thin and they didn't even want me driving home on them. Not having budgeted for tires this month spending $300 on the spot was not really an option. I asked if they were under warranty and they said yes but the problem has to do with the alignment being off so the warranty is void. I need to get the alignment taken care of as well as the tires. Costco does not do alignment. We spent hours last night trying to figure out how to pay for this. This morning we wake up and have a flat tire. This just confirms how bad the tires really are.  We have an appointment tomorrow to get new tires and the alignment  After about 4 hours on the phone with friends I had all of the places the kids needed to be dropped off and picked up covered by friends. This was sooooo exhausting emotionally.

A few weeks ago my dear hubby had an interview with a place here in Santa Barbara. We were happy about this for so many reasons the most important of all is that our son would be able to attend the art program he was accepted to. After 2 interviews my hubby felt so good about his chances that he even had his hair cut. If you know him at all this is a big deal. He had it cut business short too. Picture it. It has been at least 5 years since it has been this short. Tonight I walked in and he was in a puddle on the floor unable to speak. I knew what that meant. He just shook his head yes to confirm my suspicions. I know that we won't be given trials beyond what we can bare but I am questioning that like never before. There is only so much the heart can take. I couldn't even say anything. I just sat there next to him silent. Me silent. I still don't have the words to describe the despair, misery, and utter helplessness that is present now.

What is going to happen to us if a job doesn't show up? For so many years things have always worked out, so I assumed it would this time as well. What if it doesn't? What are our options? Move in with parents? This would be awful for everyone involved. I have 2 teenagers now. Can you even comprehend what that would be like? We have great parents too. Did I mention the last time we lived with my in laws my father in law had a heart attack and we only had 2 kids then.

Hubby has a first interview on Friday but it is only a 3 year job in a different state. While any job is welcomed, hoped, prayed, and dreamt for at this point we had started to get comfortable with idea of staying poor by the beach. Living in paradise has spoiled us rotten. We don't have expensive hobbies, activities  etc. We go the the pool 3 or more times a week even in the winter and enjoy the many parks and beaches during the summer and days off of school.

The best way I can describe how I feel is like my van broken, shattered, dented and cracked. Life will go on. We will go on with it. I will still volunteer at school, scrapbook, etc. There is a darkness looming over everything at this point. It is not entirely depression although that has understandably crept in. It is the constant fear of the unknown that lies ahead. Everything I do or plan has this dreaded if we have a job, place to live, food to eat underlying it.

The next time you want to ask me how things are going wait- pause and reflect on whether you really want to know.  Please for Petes sake do not say everything will work out. I am going to start keeping track of everyone who says that to me so if we end up living with our parents homeless I can come collect a quarter from them. I would have quite a bit of money if I actually did that.

I know this is a long shot but if you know of any jobs my hubby and I are both looking. Keep us in mind and in your prayers.

Honestly I know we will survive. The word survive has a very different meaning to me now than a  few years ago. Contemplating possibly living in a one bedroom apartment where 3 years ago I couldn't imagine smaller than 3 goes to show how my perspective has changed. What we have learned to live without and how easy it has been for most of those things has surprised me. I now know how to cook rice and beans in many different ways. The internet is even starting to look like a luxury.

I hope this will pass for us soon. I hope you are all well and happy.  The last few days have just been so overwhelming I can't help but focus on the negative. It will pass and I will go back to dealing with things with more hope. For today we are just dark and that is ok. That is life sometimes.

????

Here is an update about the Drama in our so called life.
Eric has been traveling for about 50% of the month of February and leaves again tomorrow to go to England for 5 days. The England trip is purely work related and has nothing to do with the job search. The rest of his traveling however does. Eric had 2 fly back interviews. One to the School which shall not be named and one to NEH the National Endowment for Humanities. He was really excited about the NEH job. He really wanted it. The interview for the school that shall not be named told Eric we should have heard by Last Friday. Ok, even taking into account the holiday weekend they are really taking their time in getting back to us. What they tend to do is call choice number one and then if that person accepts they call choice number 2 &3 and tell them "We are sorry, you were all very worthy candidates but we have chosen to go another way" Some schools and I mean very few go ahead and let the 3 candidates know where they stand up front. This is a much kinder way than the waiting game. Since we were told we should know last Friday and have not heard anything we are assuming Eric is not the first choice but they don't want to tell him that until choice number one is fully committed. I am calling them the school that shall not be named simply in case they do call with positive news and or their search committee does online searches of the candidates family and I don't want to get caught openly bad mouthing them.
We got Devastating news from NEH today. Sorry Kaity we won't be neighbors.
I am not really angry with either of these places.
I am mostly Angry at myself for daring to hope. We both really thought this was it. This was the year. We were going to have a plan, a place to go, a place for our children to feel settled. I am especially Angry that I have basically been a single mother for 2 months now while my poor husband prepared for these interviews. Now we are back to the unknown. Frankly I am sick and tired of the unknown. We simply don't know what else to do. Eric feels like he has exhausted all of his opportunities  I simply am not qualified to do much. If you know Oprah or Ellen or someone like that and they want the photos of their life scrapbooked than maybe I could earn some decent money. I know we will figure something out. The fact that our apartments are ending the moderate income housing program we belong to is making this so much worse. Even if we wanted to stay our rent would go up $800 per month.

Ok so here is my rant. I am sorry to be such a bummer.
Please, I have said this before, Please do not tell me this is
1. for our own good.
2. something better will come along,
3. this is the plan for us,
4. things will work out.
5. Good, we didn't want you to move.
I know these are all said in love. After 5 years I am (insert descriptive word of your choice) sick and tired of of hearing them. Instead just say "Life Sucks and then you Die" I have said that since high school and it applied during puberty and it apply s now. That does not mean I don't appreciate all that I do have.

Birthday

On Friday I turned 36. I am not sure how that happened. It is not that I feel old or embarrassed about my age, what surprises me is I feel like I turned 30 last year. The song Time Warp keeps coming to mind about age.
To Celebrate I organized what we have been referring to as my Birthday Extravaganza. Scrapbook Expo was in Anaheim at the Convention Center so we spent Friday and Saturday there. Oh it was so much fun. I completed 25 traditional Scrapbook pages. Did a little shopping and had lots of giggles. Sunday we went to church and I was able to see a childhood friend. (Please don't judge the Sunday activities. We had to eat and this was very out of character for us) Then we hung out at the hotel for a while. We walked around DownTown Disney and then enjoyed the huge fireplace at the Grand Californian. For dinner we went to the Story Teller Cafe at the Grand Californian Hotel. Dinner was sooooo good. It is now my goal to replicate the eggplant that was served with my fish. Monday we went to the Glen Ivy Hot Springs Spa in Corona. I still feel a little loopy and overelaxed from all of this. Monday after the spa we went to Don Jose for dinner with my parents before driving home. The spa and Don Jose in the same day. It doesn't get much better than that. It really was a perfect weekend. I am so glad we were able to pull it off. I am so thankful to my friends who covered my financial shortcomings so we were able to do all it. I will hopefully have pictures to post soon. I did not take one picture myself which is very much out of character.  Thank you ladies for joining me.

To top off all of this I just found out I won the Jay Kordich Power Grind Pro Jucier from the Green Smoothie Challenge hosted by Maria Rippo Health and Body Transformation 
I have been planning a post about Maria and how amazing she is but there is so much to say that it will take me a bit of time. She is wonderful. Check out her site. I am so excited to get my new juicer.

Hopefully this relaxed wonderful place I am in right now will get me through the next two weeks. Eric has 2 flyback interviews and a trip to England. I will be a single mom for half of the next 3 weeks. I think I will survive. I have decided to assume he is getting a job this year because the alternative is to hard to consider. I am being my own worst enemy and being hopeful.

It has been a wonderful week and I hope so much that in the next couple of weeks we will have more to celebrate. I have been dreaming about how to announce Eric got a job for so long I just hope I will actually get to announce something this year.

I am so thankful to all who wished me well, took care of my kids, went with me, and for my husband who has been extremely stressed out and overworked and still made it possible for me to have my Birthday Extravaganza. If we do end up moving I know that this trip will mean so much to me in the future.

Seriously!

I apologize upfront for another post about the job market. Be glad that I don't swear on my blog or you would think that you walked into a biker bar during a who has the largest vocabulary contest. (No offense to any bikers, The ones I have met have been wonderful people).

Here is the latest on the heart wrenching, job search.
Eric had 5 interviews at MLA and one the following week. 6 interviews is huge. The dreaded Hope really showed up. The last day of MLA he had an interview and that same day he got an email saying they wanted to schedule a call back. Then to raise our Hopes even higher he got an email from another school saying something like this. "We don't go back to school to meet with our committee until the 14th. However if you book a fly back or get a job offer before we meet please let us know so we can have a chance to get you. " While this is not a direct quote that is the jist of it. He was immediately able to respond with a yes I do have a fly back scheduled. We assumed that meant he would have a fly back at the school that shall not be named. We waited, waited, waited, Then on Monday he got an email saying there was a delay and they would get back to him on Wednesday. Ok great we are thinking they haven't changed their minds they probably just had a budget issue to work out. Today. Wednesday we got a rejection email. SERIOUSLY this is about as bad as the time he had an interview and they said "You are exactly what we are looking for." And then did not give him a second interview.
Do these Schools really not understand how much they are pulling at our heartstrings and playing terrible music with them. On the positive side Eric does have a 1st interview on Friday with a non academic job.
February 6th he Flies out for his one and so far only second interview. He if perfect for the job almost. There is a catch to it but the people who interviewed him seem to want him. Now he just has to convince the rest of the faculty he can play their games.
To make my day even better my wedding ring is breaking. A prong is bent and I think needs to be replaced. I am afraid to wear it now because I don't want to lose the diamond.
Dylan possibly broke his finger. I will need to take him to the Doc tomorrow.
Elliot Has a Field Trip tomorrow that has already been rescheduled for rain and it is 60% all day tomorrow. Chandler want to apply to this awesome art program and the application is due in 5 days.
Needless to say I am not in the happiest of spirits. I will recover. I just wish I had not let in that stupid, useless, disappointing hope. Sorry for my sob story. It has just been one of those days. PLEASE Don't ask me what is going on with the job search. If I have good news I will share it. I am so sick and tired of talking, thinking, having nightmares about it. I just want to live in a place where we know we will be there steadily for a few years without having to go through this every year. I don't even mind being poor. It has been so hard not knowing every year where we will live past June. That is part of why Chandler is applying so close to the deadline for this art program. If we are here which we don't think we will be it would be amazing for him. He said the problem is we didn't think we would be here for the last 5 years and we still are so I have to apply just in case. He is absolutely correct.
I am tired and emotionally exhausted. I hope I don't regret posting this in the morning.
I really need to sleep, scrapbook, eat chocolate. Hopefully all of those things will happen soon.

Farewell!

As I have spent the last few days of Christmas break at my parents house and am preparing to leave early in the morning, I am struck with the realization that with their impending move I will probably not  come to this house again. This is not the first home I lived in. It is the 3rd. Whenever we drive by our previous homes it is strange to me to see another family living there where I had my memories. As my life has no permanency to it and has not for many years once constant for me has been my parents home and my in laws home. Both are in Southern California. My Husband and I were raised here and would like to die here. (We know logically eventually we will move somewhere freezing but we can dream.)

I have been trying to figure out what is so strange to me about this move. I don't feel depressed are sad that my parents are going to Utah. Why they would want to leave Southern California is beyond me. My family will end up who knows where. I don't expect them to stay here in the hopes that we do. I figured out it is the memories of this house. I wonder if they will be as clear without being able to visit. This house was the perfect place to live in our teen years. 6 Bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, Pool, Spa, Sauna, Fire Pit, Trampoline (until recently), a huge hill to play and pretend on (or make out). Everyone loved this house. It was perfect. We have had countless Weddings, Birthdays, Baby Blessings, Anniversary's, Pool Party's. When I was in High School the last few years everyone just started showing up on weekends to hang out. It was where we always were. When we weren't at Top Of The World anyway.

The pool and diving board alone will be enough to make me sad to say goodbye. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to swim and dive. As a child I wanted to be an Olympic Diver. I even took some lessons. The freedom, & joy diving and swimming bring to me is indescribable. If my dreams of being a mermaid came true I would never leave the water. I remember many summer days of only wearing a swim suit and only getting out to eat and use the bathroom. I have even been known to swim in February and no the pool was not heated.

You know that it was always decorated to the maximum amount. No one will ever be able to do what my mom did during the holidays. I wonder if the house will be sad and feel unloved without all the detail my mom put into things. I know the house will defiantly be lonely without my siblings and our family's returning occasionally. It has seen all 6 of us get married and start and in many cases complete our family's. It has seen us through terrible tragedy's  Death, Divorce, Injuries, Illnesses but has been there for many more Celebrations.

It feels very surreal almost like I am in a movie thinking about not returning here. When I think about growing up, this house is such a big part of it. I wish so much I had a house like this for my kids to grow up in. A place big enough to have as many friends come over as you can invite. A place where people want to come. I want my children and their friends to spend time where I can keep and eye out and in our current situation they don't always want to because of the size. I realize we were terribly lucky to have grown up this way. At some points our house was very crowded. 6 kids, 2 of them married one with a baby and my parents all lived here at the same time for a while. While it wasn't always easy this house made it possible.

I do realize that a lot of the credit that I paying to the house really belongs to my parents. Two People who don't like to be cold or hot have decided to move to Utah. I guess that's what happens when your 2 sons move 2 blocks away from each other.

I am saying my Farewell to this house in the morning. I hope it remembers me the way I remember it. I know to my children this will always be what they think of as Grandma and Grandpa Shaw's Home.